Weekend Update: Another #Football Monday

Bullet Points

1. Nice way to get your 400th TD

So that’s what a walk-off homerun looks like in the NFL…Overtime lasted only 13 seconds.  That is 1 second faster than the previous regular-season-record-holder, when Chad Morton returned a kick-off 96 yards for the Jets to beat Buffalo back in September 2002.  The fastest?  That was also from a saint – Saint Tebow, when he threw to Demariyus Thomas to beat Pittsburgh in the playoffs, in only 11 seconds.  It was the first overtime touchdown pass of Brees’s career, and only the second ever by a Saints quarterback. Back in 1998, Danny Wuerffel and Cameron Cleeland combined for a 33-yard overtime touchdown that beat Indianapolis, 19-13, leaving the Colts’ rookie quarterback Peyton Manning still looking for his first NFL victory. That made the Saints head coach very happy — a fellow named Mike Ditka.

Getty Images

2. Texas Strong

In the history of word association, no one has ever confused “delusional” with Texas Longhorn fans.  Yet, here they are again.  Longhorn fan forgets when Colorado and Nebraska saved them, when they included them into the Big 8.  Longhorn fan believed that they were the gift of college football and their arrogance alienated Texas A&M to move to a superior conference – taking with them the status of #1 program in the state – Baylor and TCU might disagree – but the point is, for years Texas bullied everyone and their arrogance has finally caught up to them.  Texas thought they would always get the top recruits, the top coach and when they actually have a coach that is willing to rebuild their burnt-orange luster in the correct way – they lose their minds

3. It’s still about Jimmy’s and Joe’s, not X’s and O’s

In the beginning, all we heard was how the Chipster was going to revolutionize the game with his offense.  It’s hard to argue against that it didn’t work.  Chip did win 10 games in his first two years as a head coach in the NFL.  But now Demarco Murray is unhappy with his role  and there is nothing that says to me that Chip lasts past this year, if things continue.  For a fanbase that booed Santa Claus and has never been known as rational, as it looks today, will not be able to tolerate Mr.Kelly any longer.

4. Stone Cold Dan Quinn

It is a dangerous thing for a Saints fan to witness the difference Dan Quinn has made.  He has the entire city and more importantly, the team believing in themselves.  The Falcons already had the best wide receiver in Julio Jones, but now they seem to be able to run the ball.  Watching Devonta Freeman under Mike Smith, is not the same kid you see now.  When Devonta Freeman scored three touchdowns for the second consecutive week – Freeman became the first player since LaDainian Tomlinson to score 3TD’s in two straight games – L.T. had a 3-game streak in 2006 – but, what says more about it is, Devonta became the 1st Falcon, ever, with consecutive 3-TD games of any kind.  the Falcons are 4-0 and have such an easy schedule that it might remind Atlanta fans of baseball, waiting for the post-season to start.


5. Squished Fish?

It’s no secret, I think Joe’s gotta go, and as bad he has been as a leader, a coach…I say it’s not all his fault.  I lay at least half of the blame at Steve Ross.  You Steve hired Joe and retained him last year.  Remember when you said you really like the way this team plays and where they are headed – and we said this:

Huh? say that again? A close win against the Vikings gives you this feeling that, this team, this coach, is headed in the right direction?  Is mediocrity a direction, and do you travel thru Miami now(not Dallas this year) to get there?  Standards have been lowered or the owner is still intoxicated from that win early in the year – at home – against the Patriots.  Bet we still see Philbin fired before the end of the 2016.

So now, after OVER-spending for $uh and giving Tannehill a huge contract extension – you think that Sunday’s performance was the final straw?  Mr.Ross, you can and should fire Philbin – but it still doesn’t change the mediocre empire you’re in-charge of until you fire yourself! —(UPDATE: PHILBIN HAS BEEN FIRED)

  • Joe Philbin must show fire, better leadership to save job. – the Miami Dolphins are sinking fast after a 1-3 start.  They entered the season with playoff expectations, but nearly all of that optimism is gone after three straight losses by a combined score of 91-48.  Can the season be salvaged?……(continue reading)

6. Squidward’s Folly

Xerxes, Where have you gone?!  It didn’t seem that long ago that people like Trent Dilfer and Ron Jaworski were annointing Kaepernick the greatest QB of all time – a game changer at the position, blah blah blah.  Maybe there was more to Harbaugh than just wins – or maybe Xerxes just decided that he was as good as all that press and no longer needed to study or look for his 2nd and 3rd reads, etc…Either way, this top-to-bottom-organizational-implosion is entertaining to watch – from Tomsula letting one fly in a press conference to the constant dumpster-fire that is the 49ers right now.

Muddy When Wet

What in the wide-wide-world of sports was a going on…

…and now there is innuendo that he played with a torn right quad??


Whatever THAT was last night, appeared to be nothing more than a torch-passing ceremony.  Would anyone have thought the Denver Broncos would have been better off with Andy Dalton, or even Tim Tebow in that game, because I thought it – watchin all those over-throw-mahas.  How does Ware and Miller not get to Luck, ever?  What kind of gameplan was that?  Thankfully it is snowing so there won’t be AS many people jumping off Lookout mtn today.  But with all that said, if Elway had any balls – he would fire everyone and let god sort ’em out – go with a clean slate.  The experiment failed and Fox proved once again what every NFC South fan already knew – Elway, it’s time to usher in the Osweiler era.  For Broncos fans, it might be time for you to get comfortable, as it might be a looong couple of years.

The rest of the games were less of a trainwreck and had their own flare.  The Cowboys now understand how the Lions feel – Karma, it’s gonna getcha – for all of Flacco’s postseason sweetness, he sure soured when he was most needed – and how awesome was the Im-inelligble-play?  That might cinch it for McDaniels getting another head-coaching gig – SF/ATL we are looking at you – and Seattle looks like they are poised for a repeat.

The NFL needs to now figure out how we can stop each playoff-season from some sort of outrage.  Either there are to many rules, or too many rule changes that cause the public, the announcers etc., to not know what the call is or should be, further devolving the audience into raving-conspiracists.  Me?  I love it because my dog is not in this hunt – he was put down a few weeks ago – so I bathe in all the degenerate-gambling-glory that is playoff-football – speaking of nonsense, can anyone from the NFC South beat the Seahawks?! – it’s getting old.


Ducks v Bucks

This IS Monday Night Football!!!  Here are several things to consider for tonight’s game:

opened at: Oregon -6.5 (74)  currently: Oregon -6 (73.5)

1. NIKE: Expect to see a calvacade of Nike gear being hustled tonight as both teams are sponsored by Nike, (all 4 CFP playoff teams were) and it could be a free showcase of “what’s new” – available in green, yellow, silver, red or black.

2. ‘Zeke Elliot against the Ducks front seven: Oregon is 51st in rush defense this season and in his last two games has rushed for over 200+yds.  The game could come down to this and how well does Oregon stop the run of ‘Zeke and Cardale.

3. Ohio State front seven: The defensive line must control the line of scrimmage and maintain their assignments.  Oregon has trouble with big, strong, athletic D-linemen (SEC, Stanford) and the Ducks O-line has not had 4 consecutive games with everyone playing together, so it is critical for Ohio State’s front seven to show up if they are to have a chance at slowing down the Ducks.

4. Darren Carrington: Is suspended for the game for failing a drug-test.  He is Oregon’s second-leading receiver with 37 catches for 704 yards and 4 TD’s.

5. Cardale Jones: The last time a Ducks team saw this kind of QB was the last time they were in the Nat’l Championship game.  If Cardale plays like that, Oregon may find similar results.

6. High Ratings: This might be the most watched college football game of all time and could eclipse the NFL playoffs.  Vegas is already reporting this is the most bet college game ever, so…let’s grab some snacks and enjoy this.

7. Heisman curse? If Mariota wins it will be the 7th consecutive post-season victory for the Heisman winner, unlike before when the Heisman was a curse.  Will it culminate with Oregon’s 10-yr-title-quest or Big (not)Ten bragging rights?

8. Urban Meyer: Is 5-0 as an underdog in these type of games – win this one and he elevates above Nick Saban with the coaching job he did this year, adding a 3rd title to his resume and becoming the second coach in history to win titles at two different schools/conferences – First being Saban (same conference).

9. Dome Depot: Ohio State has played their last two games in a dome – Oregon has not all year.  The enclosed atmosphere could make it really difficult on a team not accustomed to the acoustics of indoor football.

10. Last 5 games: Neither team has faced a similar opponent, like the one they face tonight – for all of Oregon’s uptempo-ness, Ohio St runs on average 72 plays a game, compared to Oregon’s 73.  Expect the Ohio St D to be familiar with tempo from their own practices.

11. Oregon is: 18-4 away from home since 2011.

12. Ohio St in NC games: has lost the last two they were in 2007(LSU) and 2008(FU) – this is not your older brother’s coaching staff.

13. Oregon v Ohio St: Oregon has never beaten Ohio St in 8 attempts.  The last one coming in the Rose Bowl in 2010 – Ohio St 26, Oregon 10 – 419yds for Ohio St, to 260yds for Oregon.  Both under different regimes.

14. 1939: was the first National Championship tournament-game in basketball and it featured Ohio St losing to Oregon, 46-33.  In today’s college football, that could be the score tonight.

15. Stats:

Yards per Point
11.71 Off 11.33
18.93 Def 15.06
Yards per Pass
14.42 Off 14.2
11.11 Def 10.65
Yards per Rush
5.54 Off 5.84
4.15 Def 3.94

Tonight is showcase of style with a dash of toughness thrown in for that lil’bit extra.  The Pac-12 has been the better conference and the job of Urban Meyer getting this team ready to compete with multiple QB’s has been amazing.  The numbers all point to an Oregon victory, but to me it comes down to which defensive line can generate pressure and make the most plays.  I think 6pts is to much, so I would take Ohio St in this game and with a slight lean on the OVER.  However, just like I said when Oregon played Florida State regarding the spread – seems like somebody knows something we don’t know and we should probably go with that somebody.

The DiRT Canon A.i. says Oregon is 3pts better than Ohio State – we shall see – ENJOY!


Hit the DiRT!

Rivulets of Gravy

Her name is Lacey Noonan and she is responsible for such literary classics as: I do not care if my best friends mom is a sasquatch, she’s hot and I’m taking a shower with her, and shipwrecked on the island of the she gods.  Why is she relevant? Well she just completed her masterpiece: A Gronking to Remember, an erotic ode to the franken-tight-end of the Patriots.  This 38 page novella(?) – really 38 pages?! –is about one woman’s battle to stay faithful to her husband while lusting after Gronk – with several in depth fantasies – one of course on the football field.  38 pages seems kinda quick to get all that mommy-porn-nonsense accomplished, maybe Lacey needs a Cialis to prolong her mouse-clicking-daydreams.  How much does a 38 page book cost? Is it a book, a pamphlet or an e-reader? Could you read it on your kindle?  If you fancy a go, here is how Lacey described how moved she was after she witnessed Gronk spike the ball after scoring: “It jettisoned jiggling ribbons of electric jelly through my body and melted my knees like two pads of margarine.”  Seems simple enough – reminds me of this classic.

 Swipe Right Night

The best team in the East is your Atlanta Hawks and for their upcoming game against the Griz of Memphis they are holding a Tinder night, (what if you have a windows phone?).  So do you bring a date from Tinder? A wingman, or wingwoman? Is this a league-sanctioned digital hook-up? If you get an STD do you get a free popcorn at the next game with proof of prescription?  Is there a designated shag-station for emergency swiped-righted-ness?  It’s interesting enough to know that an idea so profound as pimping out your audience to other audience members hasn’t caught on more – keep an eye on your spouse or significant other and how many TRIPS they make to the CONCESSION stand.  Combine that with $1 hot-dog night and it’s Caligula.

 NBA Fever catch it

So a trade with Cleveland, New York and OKC happened.

CAVALIERS get: J.R. Smith, Iman Shumpert from New York and a future-first-round-pick from OKC

KNICKS get: Alex Kirk, Lou Amundson, Lance Thomas and a future-second-round-pick from Cleveland

THUNDER get: Dion Waiters

For Cleveland you have to wonder what it is they are thinking, adding JR Smith is like adding Mentos to Diet Coke.  Would J.R., have made any more of a difference in your recent loss to Philly?

For New York this reeks of a salary dump to give them more flexibility to get…who exactly…who wants to be in this dumpster-fire?  Soon enough the Zen-Maestro has got to pack it up and go back to the west coast, because this not gonna end well.  Unless you believe in Alex Kirk…?!?  #NBAsWorstTeam.

For OKC this is a big win that pairs a good player with Westbrook and Durant to make them deeper offensively.  Maybe they won’t lose by 20+ again to Golden State.

OREGON and Ohio ST nat’l champ uni’s – looks like another omen as the last time the Ducks forgot to wear green or yellow on their uniform, they lost – when they wore the black and pink uni’s against the Wildcats.


 Just like we drew it up

Leonard Hamilton, head-ball-coach for the Seminoles, said that this past week.  So, FSU and Florida are tied at 63 after FU scored 5 straight buckets – technically the last 7 – with 8 seconds remaining.  FSU with 3 seconds left inbound the ball and shoot a 3 – why? – and then this happened.

I love LA

Click for Stan Kroenke’s favorite video

So the owner of the St.Louis Rams purchased some land in LA and negotiated with another group to build a stadium in Los Angeles.  The Rams who were in LA from 1946-1994 are now most likely going back to Hollywood – your move Oakland.  Start printing up the t-shirts and selling the naming rights now – LA Rams are back – 2016!


Today is the start of Carnival or Mardi Gras season, and although Mardi Gras is not until February 17th, 2015 – today ‘tis the season that begins.  What is Epiphany? It is the celebrated observance of the Incarnation of Jesus Christ, the visit of the Magi (the representation of the non-jewish people), all of Jesus’ childhood events including his baptism and the Miracle at the Wedding of Cana – so kind of a big deal.  It is also known as “Twelfth Night”, and is where the 12 days of Christmas comes from.  The season is celebrated in different forms all around the world and in this country like; in Manitou Springs, CO where they have the Great Fruitcake Tossironic since it is a traditional Christmas bread in English-speaking countries.

However, most of us are familiar with the events that lead up to Mardi Gras and the importance of New Orleansdid you know that more than 6,000 vessels move through New Orleans annually along the Mississippi river, making it the busiest waterway in the world and integral to the nations economy.  So what’s up with thatMardi Gras style?  Well King Louis XIV sent the LeMoyne brothers to defend France’s claim on the territory of Louisiane (Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana) – on March 2, 1699 (Lundi Gras) they entered the mouth of the Mississippi River – 60 miles downriver – where New Orleans is today – they made camp on March 3, 1699 (Mardi Gras) – in honor of that spot they named it Point du Mardi Gras – in 1703 the first organized celebration occurred in Mobile – Several traditions, parties, and Territory Capital movements later we have what we have today.  So, Laissez les bon temps rouler (let the good times roll), suck some heads, throw some beads, find the baby and live it up before Ash Wednesday when you must repent…sinner.

Here is the parade schedule and be a voyeur here.