DiRTy Plays Tuesday

March 17th, 2015

News & Notes:

Below you will find a Free Roll that we have put together with DraftKings that is designed for only beginners.  You can click on any game, banner or highlighted phrase to be taken to the proper location.  This means if you have NEVER played on Draftkings before tonight is your night.  It cost you nothing to enter and if you click here or just go to our DiRTy Plays Week of March 16th page we will tell you how to win at this contest.  Once you win some money tonight, come back and visit us next week as our lineup optimizer will be ready for you to use and not only will we will analyze your daily DiRTy plays for DraftKings but Fan Duel as well, we always provide insight into why you should stick with certain players.  If you need some instructions on how to play on either DraftKings click here and for Fan Duel click here.  We will be adding a new segment next week that will also outline some of those guys that you should shy away from and why that is so look for that new segment.  Now let us me show you how we are doing as we don’t just provide info we play too so yes, we put our money where our mouth is so you can trust our analysis and results thereafter.

SPECIAL PROMOTIONS

DraftKings is having a HUGE NCAA Tournament, just click this link and enter now and win big.

DraftKings players Special PromotionFirst-time depositors are now receiving a free $3 voucher for any sport, instead of a free $2 voucher, along with their first-time deposit bonus. As a result, our “big” low entry fee tournaments are now $3 (example: the daily $2 NBA Layup is now a much smaller contest in terms of payouts, and the daily $3 NBA Sharp Shooter is the bigger tournament in its place).

Fan Duel Earnings:

  • Started with $100 deposit on January 16th, 2015.
  • Earnings through March 16th, 2015 are $2,317
  • Profit for the week of March 16th is a total of $10.50 as we have looked to increase our overall number of entries and entry fee contests to validate results on all levels of players.

Fan Duel Top Tournament Results:

March16_3 March16_2 March16_1

  • We post results from Tuesday through Friday!


DraftKings Earnings:

  • Started with a $50 deposit on February 15th, 2015.
  • Earnings through March 16th, 2015 are $533.57
  • Profit for the week of March 16th i$3.00

Results from Draftkings 

March16_4

  • We post results from Tuesday through Friday

Games to Play Tonight


Just click on the one of the links above and you will be directed to these contests and you can start making a profit.

DiRTy Plays Monday

March 16th, 2015

News & Notes:

Below you will find a Free Roll that we have put together with DraftKings that is designed for only beginners.  You can click on any game, banner or highlighted phrase to be taken to the proper location.  This means if you have NEVER played on Draftkings before tonight is your night.  It cost you nothing to enter and if you click here or just go to our DiRTy Plays Week of March 16th page we will tell you how to win at this contest.  Once you win some money tonight, come back and visit us next week as our lineup optimizer will be ready for you to use and not only will we will analyze your daily DiRTy plays for DraftKings but Fan Duel as well, we always provide insight into why you should stick with certain players.  We will be adding a new segment next week that will also outline some of those guys that you should shy away from and why that is so look for that new segment.  Now let us me show you how we are doing as we don’t just provide info we play too so yes, we put our money where our mouth is so you can trust our analysis and results thereafter.

Fan Duel Earnings:

  • Started with $100 deposit on January 16th, 2015.
  • Earnings through March 15th, 2015 are $2,307
  • Profit for the week of March 9th was a total of $449.50 as we have looked to increase our overall number of entries and entry fee contests to validate results on all levels of players.

Fan Duel Top Tournament Results:

  • Check back tomorrow as we post results from Tuesday through Friday!


DraftKings Earnings:

  • Started with a $50 deposit on February 15th, 2015.
  • Earnings through March 15th, 2015 are $533.57
  • Profit for the week of March 9th was $69.42

Results from Draftkings 

  • Check back tomorrow as we post results from Tuesday through Friday

Games to Play Tonight


Just click on the one of the links above and you will be directed to these contests and you can start making a profit.

DiRTy Gras

Fear and Loathing at Carnival…

When the going get weird the weird turn pro, as Raoul Duke famously said, and I am a 7-time gold medalist on this caravan.  Still awake and doing my damndest to earn another shot at the medal-stand; I have yet to sleep from properly marking Lundi Gras with a Red Letter and have no plans stopping this party-train until the final whistle of Mardi Gras blows.  But, I do find myself in reflective thought…

Thoughts like did I miss anything on Sunday? Was the ‘over’ in the NBA All-Star Game good? Who invented liquid soap and why?  Where’s my attorney and at what time does this stop being legal?

There is a dark secret to all the glory, revelry, debauchery and extolling feasts of virginal virtues.  A secret, knowing that for the entire Carnival season it is impossible to clean Bourbon Street – it is like the trash compactor scene from Star Wars – you step on things that crunch, squish, make little noises – you throw away your shoes afterward and you never, ever look down.

Furthermore, secrets of ending up on the wrong side of the Constable – If you’re one of the un-lucky ones who get arrested, AND are lucky enough to be seen again by the people that know you; then your punishment might be to clean the wretched waste of the land of misfit toys and bodily fluids.  If arrested and unlucky, you are likely dumped in a swamp covered in pigs blood, never to be seen again – – There was once a truculent Fraternity-boy who talked back to a police officer on horseback, while urinating, he was escorted somewhere and when I asked the cop later, if the urinator went to jail – he said no – at home, a week later I heard of a missing fraternity-member on the Today show, who was in New Orleans at that time, and that guy looked an awful lot like the guy being dragged off on horseback in one of my pictures.

So like Cinderella, when the clock strikes midnight, get your ass off the street because it’s a damn military parade in North korea, and the jack-boots are arresting any dissenters caught messing around Ash Wednesday.

If Vegas is getting your Bachelor’s Degree in the weird and depraved, then New Orleans is your Doctorate…So, being eager to display my Doctorate of Degeneracy, I drove down to the Big Easy Sunday night and when I got to the Hotel around 9pm, the place was already like wandering into ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ – people hugging, shaking hands, big grins, a whoop-whoop here, a holla there and hues all around like a Technicolor flashback – Just as I sat down some big guy from Ala’tucky sat next to me, he was named ehhh, lets call him Bob and let’s say Bob was here to Get. It. On.

“I’m fuQn ready for anything man, you know? Anything?! Whatchoo drinkin?” I ordered a pina colada, extra ice – but he declined and said, “no-no-no son, what the hell kinda drink is that for Mardi Gras time? What’s wrong you with you?” He looked around and said “Dammit we gotsta educate you on the fina-things – gittem sum gud whiskey…”  I shrugged and said “Jameson, 2-fingers neat”…Bob smiled his approval.

He leaned in and tapped me on the shoulder to make sure I was listening: “I know this Mardi Gras crowd, I come here ever’year an let me tell you sunthin I learned—this here town is no place to be given people the idea you’re some kinda backdoor deviant, if you get my meaning – not in public anyways. Shit, they’ll roll you in a minute and take every cent you have.”  I thanked him for the advice and he asked if I was Krewe-affiliated – I said “no, I’m a photographer and a writer.”  He eyed my leather bag with renewed interest and asked who I worked for – so I told him, Playboy.

He laughed and wondered why I would take pictures of stuff everyone has already seen a hunnered times online – I shook my head and said nothing; then just stared at him for a moment, doing my best to look grim.  “there’s going to be trouble, I’m here to document the terror”

Actual art hanging in DIA

 

“what terror?”

I hesitated, looked at my drink – “On bourbon street, during Mardi Gras. Jihad.” I stared at him again, “don’t you read newsweek?”

His smile disappeared and collapsed on itself, “What the hell’re you talkin about?”

“ahhh…maybe I shouldn’t be telling you….” I shrugged. “Hell, everyone else seems to know.  The cops, the national guard have all been getting ready for 4 months.  They have 50,000 troops on alert.  They’ve warned us—all the press and photographers—to stick to the corners, wear helmets and special flak jackets – we’re told to expect shrapnel.”

“NO!” he shouted as he slammed his first on the bar, then waving off the words like they were never said.  “Those sunsabitches! Lord Almighty! Mardi Gras!”  he kept shaking his head and mumbling under his breath as he sunk lower into his chair – his eyes went misty as he continued, “Why? Why here? Don’t they respect anything?”

Non-chalantly I shrugged – “it’s not just the jihadists, the FBI says it’s a bunch of supremacists coming down from all over to mix with the crowd and attack all at once – all of them dressed like everyone else – so when the trouble starts….thats why the cops are freaked out”

He sat there for a moment, looking hurt and confused and not quite able to digest it all – then he cried out, “What in the name of Obama is happening to this country? Where can you get away from it?”

“not here” I said, as I grabbed my bag and thanked him for the drink, I turned and wished him good luck – the poor bastard.

Quick and DiRTy (half) Dozen

Dropping Dimes

1.  In the Spirit of Mardi Gras: I offer this post for free, for missing yesterday

watch it live!

Mardi Gras is this Tuesday, so get all your sinnin’ in before you repent and bask in the triumph of the Holy Zombie 40 days later.  I am giving up listening to Pearl Jam for Lent, said no one ever.

Jesus’ Wife: “And where have YOU been for the past three days, Mr. Winemaker?”
Jesus Christ: “It’s okay, I’ll tell you…Not that’s important or anything, but I was DEAD!!! I’M IN A FUCKIN’ GRAVE OUTSIDE OF TOWN! I’M FIGHTIN’ DEATH, HELL, DECOMPOSURE! I’M CHANGIN’ SPIRITUAL FORM, ABOUT TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD, AND I GO “WAIT A SECOND! I GOTTA GO BACK BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHERE I’VE BEEN!”

Sam Kinison

You know what would be funny and show the world what kind whimsical bad-asses we are?  Instead of bombs, on Tuesday, we drop a load of Hot Dogs. #FU-Q-ISIS.

YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!!!


2.

That’s the Chicago Way!

Start a nationwide investigation! Root out the corruption, butcher the peccary!  Adults are selling our children’s future.  It’s a sweatshop!  Why won’t anyone think of the children?! Is any team innocent in this shell game?

So let’s give a round of applause again for adults removing Big Gulps, removing the lucky charms from breakfast, and ruining childhood.  You know who you are.  You’re the parent that wails and shrieks at children playing a game.  Maybe berates the umpire when your little Johnny gets called out on strikes, never taking the bat off his shoulders.  You’re the parent who looks at your child as a meal ticket, raising them on television to believe that one day they’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but they won’t.

Ban every adult involved from any activity that children participate athletically – put them on the list.  The same list as the rest of the pedophiles and pimps.  Ironic that a team from Nevada accuses Chicago of gerrymandering, considering their long history together.  But does it really change what those kids accomplished?  Is four blocks outside of the radius cause for alarm? We have visual evidence of who won the US title.  They all have the memories that came with winning.  What if they won the LL World Series?  Would we really give the trophy to another country? My issue is how do we decide that Vegas now gets the trophy if JRW vacated wins?  Maybe Mone Davis’ team wins.  No one should have a claim, like no one won the National Championship in 2005.  Just give the Vegas-LL team an Associated Press Paperweight Trophy – that seemed to work just fine for USC.  The BCS Trophy for that year still rests in Baton Rouge – it’s a Win-Win!


3.

Told Ya…

Back in December we called out the Kings for Nepotism and since, they acted like they were just waiting for the Viagra to kick-in, to man-up and actually hire George Karl.

Ty Corbin is fired with a 20-27 record since holding George’s seat warm and has lost 12 of 14.  Still waiting on that plan they were talking about – did you get the email?

I’ll keep going on this – I’ll wager that the Kings move to Seattle (#GKHomecoming) – Sacramento is no Palm Springs – and further wager that Seattle wins their 2nd title before OKC wins their first.  Y’all just remember where you read it first, while watching the highlights on SportsCenter.


4. 

Played 9 holes of Golf yesterday, or as Tiger would call it – 3 women…

The last two weeks have been very disappointing to me, especially Torrey, because I never want to withdraw. Unfortunately, lately injuries have made that happen too often.

This latest injury is not related to my previous surgery. I am having daily physical therapy and I am feeling better every day.

Right now, I need a lot of work on my game, and to still spend time with the people that are important to me. My play, and scores, are not acceptable for tournament golf. Like I’ve said, I enter a tournament to compete at the highest level, and when I think I’m ready, I’ll be back. Next week I will practice at Medalist and at home getting ready for the rest of the year. I am committed to getting back to the pinnacle of my game. I’d like to play The Honda Classic—it’s a tournament in my hometown and it’s important to me—but I won’t be there unless my game is tournament-ready. That’s not fair to anyone. I do, however, expect to be playing again very soon.

I want to thank the fans in Phoenix and San Diego. They were amazing. I greatly appreciate everyone’s support.

Tiger Woods

Tiger has no confidence anymore and seems to be using injuries as a crutch.  He’s that guy we saw on the court – you know that guy that would miss a layup and limp back like his ankle was sprained – that is what Tiger is now – THAT GUY.  Maybe he’ll come back, but it is foolish for him to think that as he ages he’ll be anything we saw before.  He needs to come to grips with his mid-life crisis – or maybe he has to go back to starring in several instructional videos like: Triple Bogey in the Back 9, Backdoor-Putts or Booty-Shack – I do not know.  I am far from being the Golf Whisperer, but I have stayed in a Holiday Inn and believe that Sergio would give everything, to be any version of Tiger.


5.

Lebron James’ Fashion (S#*!) Show

I mean WTF?!  This cross-pollination of athletes/musicians/actors is getting to the point where we should all rise up and drown the bastards in the toilet.  The NBA has moved to not playing actual basketball for a while, and now we have proof of their 5-year-plan…Cripes! Enjoy All-Star Weekend Everyone!

Me At Basketball


6.

I’m not a racist jerk…

Oh Ritchie Incognito, no one cares in the NFL.  You can beat a woman, rape others, abuse children, kill a man and it all doesn’t matter in the NFL – as long as you can play – that’s all that matters.  Let those actions rise up and testify!

testify

Besides it was Rex Ryan who said at his press conference, “He wanted to build a bully!”  That made you the priority.

Hit the DiRT!

Rivulets of Gravy

Her name is Lacey Noonan and she is responsible for such literary classics as: I do not care if my best friends mom is a sasquatch, she’s hot and I’m taking a shower with her, and shipwrecked on the island of the she gods.  Why is she relevant? Well she just completed her masterpiece: A Gronking to Remember, an erotic ode to the franken-tight-end of the Patriots.  This 38 page novella(?) – really 38 pages?! –is about one woman’s battle to stay faithful to her husband while lusting after Gronk – with several in depth fantasies – one of course on the football field.  38 pages seems kinda quick to get all that mommy-porn-nonsense accomplished, maybe Lacey needs a Cialis to prolong her mouse-clicking-daydreams.  How much does a 38 page book cost? Is it a book, a pamphlet or an e-reader? Could you read it on your kindle?  If you fancy a go, here is how Lacey described how moved she was after she witnessed Gronk spike the ball after scoring: “It jettisoned jiggling ribbons of electric jelly through my body and melted my knees like two pads of margarine.”  Seems simple enough – reminds me of this classic.


 Swipe Right Night

The best team in the East is your Atlanta Hawks and for their upcoming game against the Griz of Memphis they are holding a Tinder night, (what if you have a windows phone?).  So do you bring a date from Tinder? A wingman, or wingwoman? Is this a league-sanctioned digital hook-up? If you get an STD do you get a free popcorn at the next game with proof of prescription?  Is there a designated shag-station for emergency swiped-righted-ness?  It’s interesting enough to know that an idea so profound as pimping out your audience to other audience members hasn’t caught on more – keep an eye on your spouse or significant other and how many TRIPS they make to the CONCESSION stand.  Combine that with $1 hot-dog night and it’s Caligula.


 NBA Fever catch it

So a trade with Cleveland, New York and OKC happened.

CAVALIERS get: J.R. Smith, Iman Shumpert from New York and a future-first-round-pick from OKC

KNICKS get: Alex Kirk, Lou Amundson, Lance Thomas and a future-second-round-pick from Cleveland

THUNDER get: Dion Waiters

For Cleveland you have to wonder what it is they are thinking, adding JR Smith is like adding Mentos to Diet Coke.  Would J.R., have made any more of a difference in your recent loss to Philly?

For New York this reeks of a salary dump to give them more flexibility to get…who exactly…who wants to be in this dumpster-fire?  Soon enough the Zen-Maestro has got to pack it up and go back to the west coast, because this not gonna end well.  Unless you believe in Alex Kirk…?!?  #NBAsWorstTeam.

For OKC this is a big win that pairs a good player with Westbrook and Durant to make them deeper offensively.  Maybe they won’t lose by 20+ again to Golden State.


OREGON and Ohio ST nat’l champ uni’s – looks like another omen as the last time the Ducks forgot to wear green or yellow on their uniform, they lost – when they wore the black and pink uni’s against the Wildcats.

penalty?


 Just like we drew it up

Leonard Hamilton, head-ball-coach for the Seminoles, said that this past week.  So, FSU and Florida are tied at 63 after FU scored 5 straight buckets – technically the last 7 – with 8 seconds remaining.  FSU with 3 seconds left inbound the ball and shoot a 3 – why? – and then this happened.


I love LA

Click for Stan Kroenke’s favorite video

So the owner of the St.Louis Rams purchased some land in LA and negotiated with another group to build a stadium in Los Angeles.  The Rams who were in LA from 1946-1994 are now most likely going back to Hollywood – your move Oakland.  Start printing up the t-shirts and selling the naming rights now – LA Rams are back – 2016!


Epiphany

Today is the start of Carnival or Mardi Gras season, and although Mardi Gras is not until February 17th, 2015 – today ‘tis the season that begins.  What is Epiphany? It is the celebrated observance of the Incarnation of Jesus Christ, the visit of the Magi (the representation of the non-jewish people), all of Jesus’ childhood events including his baptism and the Miracle at the Wedding of Cana – so kind of a big deal.  It is also known as “Twelfth Night”, and is where the 12 days of Christmas comes from.  The season is celebrated in different forms all around the world and in this country like; in Manitou Springs, CO where they have the Great Fruitcake Tossironic since it is a traditional Christmas bread in English-speaking countries.

However, most of us are familiar with the events that lead up to Mardi Gras and the importance of New Orleansdid you know that more than 6,000 vessels move through New Orleans annually along the Mississippi river, making it the busiest waterway in the world and integral to the nations economy.  So what’s up with thatMardi Gras style?  Well King Louis XIV sent the LeMoyne brothers to defend France’s claim on the territory of Louisiane (Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana) – on March 2, 1699 (Lundi Gras) they entered the mouth of the Mississippi River – 60 miles downriver – where New Orleans is today – they made camp on March 3, 1699 (Mardi Gras) – in honor of that spot they named it Point du Mardi Gras – in 1703 the first organized celebration occurred in Mobile – Several traditions, parties, and Territory Capital movements later we have what we have today.  So, Laissez les bon temps rouler (let the good times roll), suck some heads, throw some beads, find the baby and live it up before Ash Wednesday when you must repent…sinner.

Here is the parade schedule and be a voyeur here.