Getting Smart With #NBA + #NHL NEWS o’Day (11-5-15)

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1. NBA Bounce House

You wondered how long it was going to take before some #NBA player became fed-up with those sleeved-uniforms and for LeBron, he wasn’t having it anymore.  It’s like when Costanza made the Yankees wear all-cotton uniforms – #WorstIdeaEver.  Hopefully soon, Mr. Silver will realize these too were a turr-able idea and give the shooters their free-range back in their shoulders.

Curry continues to roll in the early going

Stephen Curry scored 31 points and made seven three-pointers in the Warriors’ 112-108 win over the Clippers on Wednesday. Curry has scored 179 points in his five games played this season. Over the last 40 seasons, the only other players to score as many points as Curry through their first five games of a season are Adrian Dantley (1980-81) and Michael Jordan, who did it three times (1986-87, 1989-90 and 1991-92).

Curry’s 28 three-pointers made are by far the most any player has made through five games of a season since the NBA instituted the three-point shot in 1979-80. The previous high was 21 by Ryan Anderson (2011-12), O.J. Mayo (2012-13) and Trevor Ariza (2014-15).


Howard is perfect from the field

Dwight Howard went 10-for-10 from the field and hauled down 14 rebounds in the Rockets’ overtime win over the Magic on Wednesday night. It marked the second time that Howard has shot 10-for-10 or better from the field in a game, having also done that on February 24, 2010 (11-for-11), ironically while he was with the Magic against the Rockets. The only other players to attempt 10 or more shots from the field and make all of them multiple times in the shot-clock era are Wilt Chamberlain (8 times), Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (twice), Bernard King (twice) and Karl Malone (twice).


Blazers’ backcourt has a big night in UtahAltX.Logo.white

Damian Lillard scored 35 points and starting backcourt mate C.J. McCollum chipped in with 27 in the Blazers’ win in Utah on Wednesday night. It’s the first time in nearly 20 years that Portland’s starting backcourt each produced at last 25 points in a road game, since Rod Strickland (32) and Clyde Drexler (30) did it against the SuperSonics in a losing effort in Seattle on January 15, 1995.


Suns win with a team effort

Eric Bledsoe led the Suns with 19 points and was the team’s leader in assists with eight in a 118-97 win over Sacramento on Wednesday night. It marked the most points the Suns have scored in a game in which they did not have a single player score 20 points or hand out 10 assists since December 8, 1994, when they defeated the Nets by a final of 133-106 with Wayman Tisdale and Dan Majerle producing a team high 19 points and Elliot Perry leading the way with nine assists.


Beal’s three-pointer beats Spurs

Bradley Beal‘s three-pointer with less than a second remaining in the fourth quarter gave the Wizards a 102-99 victory over the Spurs on Wednesday night. Beal is the first player to win a game with a three-pointer with less than a second remaining in the fourth quarter or overtime against San Antonio since the Mavericks’ Steve Nash made a shot from beyond the arc with 0.6 seconds left in overtime in a 126-123 Dallas win on December 26, 2001.


Pacers frontcourt controls the boards in win over Celtics

The Pacers starting frontcourt, Lavoy Allen (11 rebounds), Paul George (10) and Jordan Hill (10) each recorded double-digits in rebounds in the Pacers’ 100-98 win over the Celtics on Wednesday. Indiana received 10 or more rebounds from each of their frontcourt starters in only one game in the previous six seasons combined (2009-10 to 2014-15), on January 8, 2013 (George, David West and Roy Hibbert).AltX.Logo.white


Nets fall to 0-5

The Nets lost their fifth consecutive game to open the 2015-16 season, dropping a 101-87 decision to the Hawks. Brooklyn has lost by margins of 15, 17, 10, 7 and 14 points in their five defeats. The only other teams in NBA history to lose each of their first five games of a season, all by more than six points, after appearing in the playoffs the previous season, are the 1966-67 Baltimore Bullets (first five games) and 1957-58 Minneapolis Lakers (first six games).


Cavs win by 10 after trailing by 15

The Cavaliers overcame a 15-point deficit and defeated the Knicks by a score of 96-86 on Wednesday night. It marked the first time Cleveland won a game by a double-digit margin after trailing by at least 15 points since November 3, 2009, when the Cavs overcame a 18-point deficit and beat Washington by a score of 102-90.


Raptors produce road wins over Western foes on consecutive nights

One night after beating the Mavericks in Dallas, the Raptors (5-0) beat the Thunder in Oklahoma City on Wednesday night to improve upon the best start in franchise history. It’s the third time since the start of the 2014-15 season that Toronto has won road games against Western Conference opponents on consecutive days, having won games in Sacramento and Utah last December 2nd and 3rd; and against the Clippers in Los Angeles and Nuggets in Denver on December 27th and 28th. No other Eastern Conference team has more than two sets of back to back road wins on consecutive days against teams from the West over that span, and the only other East teams that have done that more than once are Atlanta and Detroit.


2. Ice-Ice Baby

Burmistrov’s late goal wins it for the Jets

Winnipeg’s Alexander Burmistrov scored a tiebreaking goal with 2:05 left to play in the third period and his goal was the game-winner for the Jets in their 4-2 victory over the Maple Leafs in Toronto. It was the second time this season that a Jets player scored a go-ahead goal in the final three minutes of the third period; Dustin Byfuglien snapped a tie with 88 seconds remaining in regulation time in Winnipeg’s home game against the Flames on October 16. The Jets are the only NHL team to have scored more than one such goal this season. Before this season, the Jets had tallied only three tiebreaking goals in the last three minutes of the third period since the team relocated to Winnipeg from Atlanta in 2011.


Blues win after allowing five goals in the first

Vladimir Tarasenko’s goal with 1:06 remaining in overtime earned the Blues a 6-5 win over the Blackhawks in Chicago, a game in which St. Louis trailed, 5-2, at the end of the first period. It was the 11th time in NHL history that a team won a game in which it allowed five first-period goals, and it was the first such win in Blues history. Before Wednesday’s victory by St. Louis, the last time an NHL team won a game in that manner was when the Lightning beat the Flyers, 8-7, in Philadelphia on November 18, 2010, after Tampa Bay trailed, 5-4, at the first intermission.


Fehr nets another short-handed goal

Eric Fehr’s short-handed goal midway through the third period gave the Penguins a 3-0 lead in a game they would go on to win 3-2 in Vancouver. Fehr also tallied a short-handed goal in his Penguins debut on October 31 against the Maple Leafs. He is the first player in NHL history to score a short-handed goal in each of his first two games with a team.

SOURCE: Elias Sports Bureau

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Shovelin’ DiRT

It’s been a rough weekend – all those buzzer beaters, sure does angry up the blood pressure to unhealthy levels – causing one to black out once or twice from the insanity.

Rare is not just a unicorn, it’s also a buzzer-beater in the playoffs.  Just think about how seldom it actually happens – that someone goes from way downtown to win the game with no time left and this weekend it happened back-to-back-to-back.  The trend started with Derrick Rose on Friday, continued with Paul Pierce on Saturday and finished with Lebron James yesterday, (watch all three).

With Kanye giving the introductions and throwing a mini-concert during the first media timeout, you could understand why the game itself was so ugly – a true visionary was in attendance.  It was like having to sit thru another Adam Sandler movie of hippity-dippity-doo – the game had a fantastic ending that almost wasn’t.

Dave Blatt – Mall Cop – almost cost his team a victory, twice.  First by calling three consecutive timeouts to get a proper inbound pass, then attempting to call a timeout he didn’t have after the Bulls tied it up, only to be saved from a technical by Tyron Lue.

Then, secondly, wanting the best player in the league to inbound the ball with 1.5 seconds left.  Huh?!  Thankfully the GM and real head coach of the Cavaliers changed the play call and took the shot himself.  Just think how different the Superbowl would have been if Lebron was there.  I have seen enough of Dave Blatt as a coach.  He has no idea what he is doing and the internal struggle of his adolescent mind is going to cost Cleveland down the road.  A 13yr-old babysitter can make better decisions in crisis, seriously!

Another coach that has to go is Kevin McHale and his ridiculous flashback to old-school basketball last night against the Clippers.  Dusting off his Celtics playing-days-playbook backfired as the Rockets went down again like it was dollar day at the whore-a-porium.  If you cant beat them – beat them up!  Hous-Done sent Deandre Jordan to the charity stripe 28 times in the first half – he made 10 – and now the Clippers are set to face the Grizzlies in the Western Conference Finals.  Is that presumptuous of me?  Have you seen the psychological warfare the Grizzlies are employing on the Warriors as they grind them down?  If the Warriors win tonight, maybe they get to the conference finals – but look closer – Golden State has no answer for Z-Bo or Gasol and they also cannot stop turning the ball over.  It doesn’t help that the Splash Bros are having trouble hitting water falling out of a boat.  The Warriors missed the memo in all their regular season praise that said playoff basketball is different and follows the fundamental principles of going inside out and defending the post.  Heart is found on the inside, not out on the wings.

Tonight is “what are you made of” night.  The Hawks and the Warriors could be one more step closer to beach reservations by way of Memphis and Washington.  Winning might just delay the inevitable either way – we’ll see – but I’m placing my money on Memphis(+4) and The Wiz(+4.5).  Watch both games tonight on TNT beginning at 7p EST.


One more time for the cheap seats – you can only deflate a ball so much before physics take over and when you consider all the league has done in favor of offense – how does this faux-rage continue to rave on?  If a league seceded control of the game-balls to the teams, then doesn’t a ball that is easier to catch and throw, better for TV?  The league could erase it all right now by controlling the game-balls the same way they do the balls used for kicking and make everyone play under the same conditions – so why don’t they?

If you are unable to move past this and feel as Troy Aikman does, that this is an issue of integrity – then you also agree that Hizzoner must also be held accountable in his meriting of sanctions.

“For the balls to have been deflated—that doesn’t happen unless the quarterback wants that to happen. I can assure you of that. Now the question becomes, Well, did Bill Belichick know about it? This whole comment by Roger Goodell based on the Saints when Sean Payton got suspended for the year, and he said, ‘Hey, ignorance is no excuse.’ That’s gonna come back and haunt [Goodell] again. It haunted him during the whole Ray Rice situation. And now it’s going to haunt Roger Goodell in terms of what the punishment is for the New England Patriots and Bill Belichick. If ignorance is no excuse, and it wasn’t for Sean Payton, and I think it’s going to be severe. Now twice under Bill Belichick—and possibly a third time—they’ve cheated and given themselves an advantage. And to me, the punishment for the Patriots and/or Bill Belichick has to be more severe than what the punishment was for the New Orleans Saints.”

Troy Aikman on radio station KTCK in Dallas

Goodell told the Saints that ignorance was not a suitable defense – so where does this hypocrite turn now?  Either integrity of the game is serious business or it isn’t.  For Goodell, he created this mess of swift frontier justice and unfortunately any decision made will bring scrutiny.  He needs to step down.  The league, under his watch is a breeding ground for incompetent psychopaths and criminals – that continues to fester under his reign.  It used to be the NFL was worried about gamblers challenging the integrity of the game – not it’s own employees.  I want my brutes honest and my coliseum spotless.  I also want the NFL to stop acting like a bad reality show on some shore in Jersey.


This Day in History from History.com…

1981
Bob Marley dies

In what would prove to be the next to the last concert of his tragically short life, Bob Marley shared the bill at Madison Square Garden with the hugely popular American funk band The Commodores. With no costumes, no choreography and no set design to speak of, “The reggae star had the majority of his listeners on their feet and in the palm of his hand,” according to New York Times critic Robert Palmer. “After this show of strength, and Mr. Marley’s intense singing and electric stage presence, the Commodores were a letdown.” Only days after his triumphant shows in New York City, Bob Marley collapsed while jogging in Central Park and later received a grim diagnosis: a cancerous growth on an old soccer injury on his big toe had metastasized and spread to Marley’s brain, liver and lungs. Less than eight months later, on May 11, 1981, Bob Marley, the soul and international face of reggae music, died in a Miami, Florida, hospital. He was only 36 years old.  Here is an old video of Bob, singing Redemption Song.

May the DiRT Be With You…and also with you

mayweather pacquiao punchout!!

Super-Nintendo Punchout summarizes the fight –  from sports grid.

Ah the Romans – it was in full display – the Bread and the Circuses – except it seemed while we got the circus – they forgot our bread.  THE MOST SPECTACULAR FIGHT OF OUR TIME – YOU CANT MISS THIS ONE – TWELVE UNFORGETTABLE ROUNDS FOR ONLY $99.

That is the beautiful thing about pay-per-view sporting events – there are no sell outs, no waiting in line, no standing-room only, no one getting turned away at the gate by small giants and fire marshals for too much booze on your breath – none of that!  As long as you want it – you’ve got a better seat than any celebrity –‘Murica!

But the fight – ughh – it was just like I wrote back in December, #CalledIt.  Want to know what was a better fight than #MayPac?  Jamie Foxx staying in tune.  Clint Eastwood versus a chair.  Bob Barker versus Happy Gilmore.  Jay Z versus Beyonce’s Sister.  Kevin James versus skinny jeans, Deebo versus Craig – we get it!  The build up was Wrestlemania without the drama, The Royals have thrown more punches this year – it made you long for the days you dropped that kind of scratch on a Mike Tyson fight that was over in less than 90 seconds.  Mayweather handed out more hugs to Manny than his own kids.

If this was what people thought was the Fight of the Century – did they mean this actual century or the last 100 years – then Boxing is dead – maybe it survives as some bare-knuckled-quasi blood-sport on late night TV – but there will never be anything great about it ever again.  I preferred to watch a rerun of Hagler v Hearns – it’s what we expected Saturday – or relive the salad days of any of Muhammad Ali’s fights.  With Ali, we were lucky and privileged to live in the same century with him.  He was a true aristocrat of the spirit, I love the man.  He spoke to the best and bravest in us and his fights are priceless.  Floyd will never understand, and it seems he doesn’t care too – he’s just fine being the captain on the Titanic.


NBA Fevah!  Chris Paul was doing his best Steph Curry impression making an incredible shot, that I still don’t know how it went in, to beat the Spurs, 111-109.  This undercard was better than Saturday’s main event.  The Clippers needed all of the 8 for 14 beyond the arc points in the second half, before Paul’s lucky nail in the champ’s coffin.  Does this propel the Clippers to bigger things?  Is this the end of the Spurs as we knew them?  What I do know is; I could watch these two play the rest of the year and it would still live up to expectations.  The question though, is this:  will there be any other series as good as this one for the rest of the playoffs?


There he is, the favorite, American Pharoah.  The first horse to start in position 17 or farther and win the (141st) Kentucky Derby.  I had told you to leave him off because of that (and because they clearly don’t know how to spell Pharaoh) – what is the meaning of statistics if you cant remove the outliers.  Well the outliers win sometimes and sometimes they rough you up pretty good.  The break the horse made from the 18th position to be near the front of the pack and not get boxed in was remarkable.  He was given a clear shot – as was I, or so I thought for most of the race.  It was another lesson I got sloppy with from the harsh school of gambling, that dealt me another quick beating for leaving off the favorite – see I had Dortmund and Firing Line in an Exacta boxBlind spots are fatal – they’ll punish you every time.  So the questions will begin again about the potential of American Pharoah(sic) being the next triple-crown winner – and the answer is no, but I will not leave him off again, just to be safe.


The Houston Firs-tros have won 10 straight and own the American League’s best record at 18-7.  As the Astros celebrate their 50th year, you have to wonder when do they come back to Earth?  In the AL West they may never – the Angels have serious problems, the Rangers are terrible and The A’s and Mariners do not play consistently enough to challenge, so…It’s a long season and Houston is a young team that will have to prove it in the dog-days – but for now, how about dem Astros!

In other weird baseball news – the Rockies still can’t play in SoCal, and the Yankees swept the Red Sox for the first time since 2006.  David Ortiz failed to deliver a bases-loaded, down-by-three, in the bottom of the ninth – either further proving his PED use, or Adam Warren is that good – has not allowed a run in 10 appearances.

Matt Harvey is 5-0 for the 1st place Mets since Tommy John Surgery and it must be an “odd” year, because the Cardinals have the best record in baseball – World Series appearances in 2011 and 2013.


May the 4th be with you!

In honor of Saga and today being May 4th – #StarWarsDay – here is some entertainment:


It’s still fresh!

3rd Stone from the Sun

It’s wonderful.  It came in the nick of time.  The whole nation getting jittery from too much riot-news and the sporting public is demanding wilder and wilder sport-spectacles, to blot out the dark horizon…and then it happens, everywhere and all at once this Saturday.  The Sheriff and I start our day off with a bowling tournament of champions for our kids and that got me thinking about something my friend La-A (pronunced Ladasha, not kidding) said.  La-A lives up the road from the bunker and says she wants to open a chain of national bowling alleys where house rules require that you check your clothes at the door.

“It keeps them from stealing,” she told me.  “A naked person is an honest person.  We have low operating costs – free labor, no taxes, new friends in strange places and extremely addictive behavior five times a week.”  Hundreds of thousands of otherwise decent people could already be hopelessly addicted to naked bowling, which renders them useless for normal work.  Not too mention the chicken-choking-freaks that’ll hang around – you’ll notice them by the stains on their jeans.

They are the wetheads, a plague of leeches on the body politic.  They’ll dim the brain as well as the body and eventually the victim gets sucked dry and dies.  That is dead weight – which is fatal to a fast-moving economy.  Could any sane person even tolerate naked bowling – think of the tragic encounters and everything it stands for – the sound of the heavy black ball crashing down on anything made of wood-polymer in a contortionist ballet of the body, could make anyone disordered.

But if they succeed and make it a recognized sport in this country with proper rules and regulations of appearance – I am after-all, a professional sportswriter – it says so right here on my credentials – and I would have to report on what I see for you, the public, watching real-life naked bowling.  It would be televised on some Canadian HBO, late at night, pitting two teams of extremely naked women with huge breast implants and fake lips going head-to-head – that no doubt would be wearing Hooters T-shirts if this were anything else but organized recess – and let me tell you, they’d be going for it – locked in a scoreless tie after 13 frames of pretty frantic bowling.

Sounds about right…Let’s all get naked and go bowling.  Why not?  Where can you watch this stuff?  Where is one, right?  It’s still better than going to the Derby.

If you have ever been to Churchill Downs, then you know how truly heinous an experience it can be.  I can tell you that Derby Week in Louisville is a white-knuckle orgy of booze, sex and violence that, 99 times out of 100, swamps anybody who goes near it in a hurricane of fear, pain and mind-numbing disasters that will haunt you for the rest of your life.  The behavior of the crowd on race day is like 100,000+ vicious hyenas going berserk all at once in a space the size of 787 or a basketball arena.  Going is worse than volunteering to join Pickett’s charge at Gettysburg, and just as fun.  I still have recurring nightmares that cause me to wake up sweating and screaming like someone pulling a tape-worm out thru my nose.  My memories are extremely clear and far too obscene to describe here – some involve jails, insane asylums, trials, beatings, police-brutality and private graveyards filled with victims of tragic medical experiments.  You’ll come back with stories of people being deliberately set on fire and tortured by drunken rich people who then hurl their bodies off a cliff into the Ohio river and laugh about it later.  Only to have their families be told by the authorities that they must have ran off to Hollywood to get famous with a band of Turkish horse-gamblers.

Things like that happen every year when the Derby comes around – some simply disappear into thin air or come back with horrible disfigurements and no memory.  Others end up in “hospitals down south” and never mentioned again by people who knew them.  You’d like to think Eyes Wide Shut was just a movie, but Omerta is the code of the South, especially when weird shit is committed by rich people.  Horse people have very small attention spans for anything involving humans – you can read it in the obituary of some head on collision, with an unidentified truck far out on the River road and a private cremation ceremony for close family members only, who wish to remain anonymous.

Thankfully the Derby itself is only 2 minutes long – in sports few things last that long, a Rousey knockout, Sumo wrestling and drag racing are the only tings that come to mind. I have a soft spot for betting the Derby, regardless of the scars from being a witness.  So I’ll bet from a far and begin to enjoy one of the greatest Saturdays of all time.  If you’re wondering, No horse has ever won the Derby from the 17th position and that is where American Pharaoh, the favorite, starts.  With that information, these are the horses that will finish 1-4 in any order: International Star, Frosted, Firing Line, and Dortmund – I have not yet settled on Win, Place, Show, but will definitely Box these four.

Rarely can you find this much action in one day outside of a cockfight in rural Arkansas, but thankfully we have a Game 7 with the Spurs/Clippers and the night finishes off with Pacquiao/Mayweather.  It is more rare that a main event in Las Vegas starts before midnight on the East coast – and considering a NBA game is usually 2.5 hours, you’ll get to watch all 3 events on a Saturday night – just remember who owns Saturday night and the possibility of long lines at the ATM.

We all have a vice and tomorrow night indulges most of them, even for the most ardent opponent of affluent clemency.  It’s all decadent and depraved.  It will satiate our blood-lust as we circle the drain of Dante’s toilet-bowl – It’s what happens when it all accumulates on TV making long-distance hunch bets on a horse named Dortmund.  I’m starting to feel a bit decadent and depraved myself, maybe it’s all true and too much of this causes brain cancer – I will do some more research and report back later – I’ve got some bets to make and some friends to fleece.  Buy the Ticket, take the Ride!

Greased Lightning Round 2

#21 in your program, #1 in your hearts

 

1. Primetime tonight…It’s sweeps week for the NFL as their year-long reality show finally answers the question – Who’s got the best Mock-draft.0?  Only in ‘Murica is a labor force not permitted to speak freely to a prospective employer whenever there’s an opening.  One level below, that same workforce was free to accept any scholarship offer, but that’s just the kind of stand-in-the-way-business the NFL has been known for since ’35.  Besides, they know you’re gonna watch.  The only two reasons to watch; is to pretend you have any idea who your team should take and hope your team has a clue drafting that guy – or more importantly, like me, laugh at the pick the teams you despise just selected.  Yelling such low-brow things like: idiots!, hillbillies!, oh’yeah!?, and c’mere’a’minute.  Perfect for when the Broncos select a Kicker in the 1st round.  If you’re there next to that fan, look closely between your hysterical-hyena laughing, to notice they will begin to look like some sort of pig being eaten alive by meat-bats!

YOUR TEAM’S PICKS:

Dallas Cowboys — 27th (first round), 28th (second), 27th (third), 28th (fourth), 27th (fifth), 19th from San Diego (seventh), 26th from Baltimore (seventh).

New York Giants — 9th (first round), 8th (second), 10th (third), 9th (fourth), 8th (fifth), 10th (sixth), 9th (seventh), 28th from Denver (seventh).

Philadelphia Eagles — 20th (first round), 20th (second), 20th (third), 14th from San Francisco through Buffalo (fourth), 9th from St. Louis (fifth).

Chicago Bears — 7th (first round), 7th (second), 7th (third), 7th (fourth), 6th from Jets (fifth), 7th (sixth).

Detroit Lions — 23rd (first round), 22nd (second), 24th (third), 24th (sixth), 14th from Miami through Baltimore (seventh), 23rd (seventh).

Minnesota Vikings — 11th (first round), 13th (second round), 12th (third round), 11th (fourth), 1st from Tampa Bay through Buffalo (fifth), 11th (seventh), 15th from San Francisco through Miami (seventh).

Buffalo Bills — 18th (second round), 17th (third), 19th (fifth) 12th from Minnesota (sixth), 18th (sixth), 17th (seventh).

Miami Dolphins — 14th (first round), 15th (second), 15th (third), 13th from Minnesota (fifth), 14th (fifth), 15th (sixth).

New York Jets — 6th (first round), 5th (second), 6th (third), 5th (fourth), 6th (seventh), 7th (seventh).

Baltimore Ravens — 26th (first round), 26th (second), 26th (third), 23rd from Detroit (fourth), 26th (fourth), 37th compensatory (fourth), 22nd from Detroit (fifth), 35th compensatory (fifth), 40th compensatory (fifth), 28th from Dallas (sixth).

Cincinnati Bengals — 21st (first round), 21st (second), 21st (third), 35th compensatory (third), 21st (fourth), 36th compensatory (fourth), 21st (fifth), 21st (sixth), 22nd (seventh).

Cleveland Browns — 12th (first round), 19th from Buffalo (first), 11th (second), 13th (third), 12th (fourth), 16th from Buffalo (fourth), 11th (fifth), 13th (sixth), 26th from Baltimore (sixth), 12th (seventh).

Pittsburgh Steelers — 22nd (first round), 24th (second) 23rd (third), 22nd (fourth), 24th (fifth), 23rd (sixth), 36th compensatory (sixth), 22nd (seventh).

Atlanta Falcons — 8th (first round), 10th (second), 9th (third), 8th (fourth), 10th (fifth), 9th (sixth), 8th (seventh), 32nd from New England through St Louis (seventh).

Carolina Panthers — 25th (first round), 25th (second), 25th (third), 25th (fourth), 25th (fifth), 33rd compensatory (fifth), 38th compensatory (fifth), 25th (sixth), 25th (seventh).

Houston Texans — 16th (first round), 19th second), 18th (third), 17th (fourth), 16th (fifth), 39th compensatory (fifth), 19th (sixth), 35th compensatory (sixth), 40th compensatory (sixth), 18th (seventh).

Indianapolis Colts — 29th (first round), 29th (second), 29th (third), 29th (fourth), 29th (fifth), 29th (sixth), 31st from Seattle (sixth), 27th from Dallas (seventh), 38th compensatory (seventh).

Tennessee Titans — 2nd (first round), 1st (second), 2nd (third), 1st (fourth), 2nd (fifth), 1st (sixth), 32nd (sixth).

Arizona Cardinals — 24th (first round), 23rd (second), 22nd (third), 24th (fourth), 23rd (fifth), 22nd (sixth), 24th (seventh), 39th compensatory (seventh).

St Louis Rams — 10th (first round), 9th (second), 8th (third), 20th from Philadelphia (fourth), 39th compensatory (sixth), 10th (seventh).

Seattle Seahawks — 31st (second round), 31st (third), 13th from New Orleans (fourth), 31st (fourth), 35th compensatory (fourth), 31st (fifth), 34th compensatory (fifth), 5th from Jets (sixth), 33rd compensatory (sixth), 38th compensatory (sixth), 31st (seventh).

Denver Broncos — 28th (first round), 27th (second), 28th (third), 34th compensatory (fourth), 7th from Chicago (fifth), 28th (fifth), 27th (sixth), 33rd compensatory (seventh), 34th compensatory (seventh), 35th compensatory (seventh).

Oakland Raiders — 4th (first round), 3rd (second), 4th (third), 3rd (fourth), 4th (fifth), 3rd (sixth), 4th (seventh).

Washington Redskins — 5th (first round), 6th (second), 5th (third), 6th (fourth), 5th (fifth), 6th (sixth), 5th (seventh).

Jacksonville Jaguars — 3rd (first round), 4th (second), 3rd (third), 4th (fourth), 3rd (fifth), 4th (sixth), 3rd (seventh).

San Diego Chargers — 17th (first round), 16th (second), 19th (third), 18th (fourth), 17th (fifth), 16th (sixth).

Tampa Bay Buccaneers — 1st (first round), 2nd (second), 1st (third), 10h (fourth), 26th (fifth), 32nd (fifth), 8th (sixth), 2nd (seventh).

New England Patriots — 32nd (first round), 32nd (second), 32nd (third), 2nd (fourth), 32nd (fourth), 2nd (sixth), 1st (seventh).

San Francisco 49ers — 15th (first round), 14th (second), 15th (third), 27th (fourth), 15th (fifth), 14th (sixth), 29th (seventh).

New Orleans Saints — 13th (first round), 31st (first), 12th (second), 11th (third), 12th (fifth), 11th (sixth), 11th (seventh).

Kansas City Chiefs — 18th (first round), 17th (second), 16th (third), 19th (fourth), 18th (fifth), 17th (sixth), 16th (seventh).

Green Bay Packers — 30th (first round), 30th (second), 30th (third), 30th (fourth), 30th (fifth), 30th (sixth), 30th (seventh)


 

 

2. Daddy says dice are wicked!…For the truly degenerate, here are some prop bets for the NFL Draft tonight/weekend…I’ll talk with my attorney and see who he likes, maybe post his picks later…

  • Who will be the No. 1 selection (Bovada)

    Jameis Winston (-1000)
    Marcus Mariota (+350)
    Any other player (+1200)

    Who will be the No. 2 selection (Bovada)

    Jameis Winston (+500)
    Marcus Mariota (-300)
    Dante Fowler Jr (+1000)
    Leonard Williams (+700)
    Any Other Player (+500)

    Marcus Mariota will be drafted by the Titans (Sportsbook)

    Yes (-140)
    No (EVEN)

    How many teams will trade up for 1st round pick on Day 1? (Sportsbook)

    Over 2.5 (-400)
    Under 2.5 (+270)

    Draft Position: Amari Cooper (Bovada)

    OVER 5.5 (+200)
    UNDER 5.5 (-300)

    Draft Position: Kevin White (Bovada)

    OVER 7 (-120)
    UNDER 7 (-120)

    Draft Position: Todd Gurley (Bovada)

    OVER 12.5 (-120)
    UNDER 12.5 (-120)

    Draft Position: Melvin Gordon (Bovada)

    OVER 22.5 (-120)
    UNDER 22.5 (-120)

    Draft Position: Dante Fowler (Bovada)

    OVER 3.5 (-200)
    UNDER 3.5 (+150)

    How many Running Backs will be drafted in the 1st Round? (Bovada)

    OVER 1.5 (-500)
    UNDER 1.5 (+300)

    How many Wide Receivers will be drafted in the 1st Round? (Bovada)

    OVER 5.5 (-140)
    UNDER 5.5 (+150)

    How many Quarterbacks will be drafted in the 1st Round? (Sportsbook)

    OVER 2.5 (+300)
    UNDER 2.5 (-450)

    Mr. Irrelevant: Last player drafted will be (Kickers = Offense / Punter = Defense):

    Offensive player (-105)
    Defensive player (-105)


3. It’s dignity! Gah! Don’t you even know dignity when you see it?  The Grizzlies take care of the ‘Blazers – the Hawks held off the Nets – will the Bulls escape the Bucks and can we please have 7 games with the Spurs and Clippers?  I will watch the NBA tonight more than the draft, because there is this thing called Twitter that I can get the info I need about the NFL, or just read about it tomorrow – because what I want tonight is a Clippers win.  I want 7 games.  I’ll take a Bucks win too, just to see Chicago choke.  Just like the Detroit s#*^Wings!

 

Greased Lightning Round 1

With the upcoming super-cala-whimisical-fantasia of sports arriving by feeding-tube the next few days – we are going to bring you lightning round editions of the DiRT Canon – as there is too much work with all the playoff games for the NBA and NHL, baseball, The ‘Tucky Derby and some sorta superbowly-fight…stay tuned

1. Won’t someone think of the players… For the first time in baseball history a game will be played in front of, no one…It finally answers the question if a bear sh*# in the…no, it’s if a tree falls…or is it if a Oriole game broke out and no one was there to see it…I don’t remember.  In all it’s weirdness, it could be made into a drinking game, example: drink every time you hear someone say surreal, or weird, or empty, etc…We know the “why” and it gives off an eerie feeling like a storm is coming – the likes we haven’t seen in this country, since the summers of ’68/’69.

2. Just the tip… The Clippers are not disciplined enough to beat the Spurs and would someone please drug test Tim Duncan right now – I’ll have what he’s having.  I saw him make plays and ballet around the court last night in a way, that I didn’t think he had it in him anymore.  That block on Blake Griffith in the 4th, then strip him of the ball was classic!  The Lion of Oz needed courage and the Clippers can’t find the yellow-brick road with metal detector.  Need proof?  Missing 16 free-shots from the charity stripe is the difference the game – maybe the series – and when one of your best players, who looked unstoppable, disappears in the 4th Qtr, you’re done – O Blake where art thou.  Instead the Clippers are down 3-2 in the series and head back to the Alamo to be treated like Davy Crockett.

archie-bradley-face

3. I’m fine…it’s fine…s’fine…This is what 115mph of cork+cowhide looks like when it hits your face.  As Archie Bradley of Arizona found out last night when the ball Carlos Gonzales hit, struck Bradley in the mug.  No word yet on how bad the damage may be – but the sound was terrifying, heard all the way, deep down in the DiRT Canon Bunker – like when firewood pops at a campsite.  It wasn’t enough to stop Kyle Kendrick serving meatballs however – he was serving them all night, as the D-Bags won 12-5 over the Rockies.

4. The stars at night…In the worst kept secret in all of sports – Adrian Peterson just wanted to remind people, again, how great it wold be if he could play for Dallas.  Peterson wants it.  Jer-ruh wants it.  In a vortex of irony, the Vikes should rob the Cowboys in a Shakespearean reversal of the Herschel Walker trade.  If anyone needs help piecing together the particulars, I’m available – also for children’s parties.

5. Revenge is a dish best served cold, but Dan Uggla will take warm too…In all to classic Atlanta fashion, the Braves choked a 9-1 lead to lose to the Nationals on Uggla’s 3-run bomb, 13-12.  Uggla went 3-5 with 5 RBI, all while still generating a paycheck for most of his salary from the Braves – they cut him earlier.  It’s just another long-line of stories of Atlanta being burned and last night was just another chapter.

6. All a Twitter…In other news of irony – yesterday Twitter (TWTR) was all set to report their quarterly earnings after the bell rang on the Stock Market.  Word is, it was because the report was to be underwhelming.  The twist is, a software company found the report and released it an hour early – social media wins again!  As you’d expect, Twitter lost 18% of it’s value before trading closed – upended by their very own Frankenstein monster.  It’s like ray-ee-ain, on your wedding day…

Abstract DiRT

It’s beginning to look a lot like Kris-mas…

If you had April 17th in your office pool for “Kris Bryant Day”, congratulations you win!  Bryant, the 3B phenom that was the talk of pre-baseball, has officially cleared his service-time-out and will now join the team today, batting 4th.  Debate further if you like, about the merits of coronation v capitalism – but let’s move on and see if the hype matches the outrage.  The Cubs, of course have not said anything official and seemingly left it to Kris and that social-dynamo, twitter, when he tweeted: “I finally get to tell me family that my dream has finally come true.”  Good for you, oh and the Cubs conveniently needed a third-baseman, after Mel Olt got hit in the hand and found out that he’d be out 3 weeks, and La Strella should have never made the team – but that’s none of our business.  So now we wait and see how long it takes to actually witness MLB’s #2 overall-prospect – considering all he did in spring-training, plus he had just hit his 3rd HR in seven games in triple A last night.


Chicken from the, er..sky?

It could be a sign of the apocalypse!  The D-Bags and Giants game last night, was delayed because a wayward chicken tender, or finger (actual determination depends on regional taste) fell from the sky.  Thankfully no one was hurt, but several ball-players were seen kneeling to the great Chipotle, and trying to use the fallen tender to ward off any hexes on their gloves/bats from angry/jealous wives/girlfriends who might have put them there.  Serious stuff.  The game itself was delayed for about 20 seconds – but the conspiracy theories are already in full force that someone has created a machine that rains food.  Whether it was seagull that bit off more than he could chew or not, remains to be seen.  But people in San Francisco are eager to see if it will rain chicken fingers on “bring-your-own-condiment-night”!…Oh and the Giants lost again in 12 innings, 7-6.


From the folks at Reddit…Here is a chart to help you, the displaced NBA Fan with no dog in the fight, pick a bandwagon to jump on.  We know it can be hard for you, the DieHard Laker, Heat, Thunder fan, during these emotional times, so follow the chart and choose your next been-a-fan-forever-team!  Dust-off that lap-top, get familiar with their wiki-page and look for discount swag for you to wear – because the first game is tomorrow at 3:30 EST, and if you’re gonna pimp Golden State, you’re running out of time son.


HGH anyone?

Kevin Love – Athletic Yoga – actual DVD

The NBA will begin testing for HGH next year in an attempt to clean up the sport or it’s just a PR gesture, because clearly Kevin Love is not juicing.  The testing will be in three tests throughout the year, 2 during the season and one during the off-season.  No word yet if any player from UNC will show up – because they don’t show up for tests – HA!  With as much talk HGH or PED’s has gotten over the years, you’d be surprised if anyone is still using HGH at all in the NBA – most of them stopped dosing themselves after sophmore year in high school when they reached 6′ 9″, and already looked 30 – looking at you Greg Odom.  We shall see what comes of the first guy who tests positive – my money is, no one will care.  The only sport that anyone cares about drugs, is Baseball.  No other sport comes close.  Basketball has the gangsta-rap-black-image from scared old white-folks and the NFL has a serious criminal problem – doesn’t stop them from being the two most popular leagues right now.  But the suspension if caught is 20 games for the 1st offense, 45 for the 2nd and dismissal from the league on the third – good for you NBA.


Really?

Adrian Peterson feels wronged – he’s the victim!  From Jason Cole, here is the list of his demands…

The first is that he wants new guarantees added to his contract as some sort of apology from the team. As things stand right now, there are no more guarantees remaining in his current deal that will keep him under team control for another three years.

The second issue is that Peterson still doesn’t trust the Vikings’ front office. Peterson says he has no issues with the Vikings’ coaching staff, the football people, and ownership.

Again, Peterson brutalized a 4yr old – google the pictures – that’s not discipline, that’s abuse, and the NFL will do nothing, maybe dock him some upcoming-game checks.  Peterson got paid last year, rewarded and served no punishment and now feels entitled to make demands?!  No one owes you anything Adrian, you did this.  But, this is standard for the NFL, no one gets punished unless there is actual video and a coverup of whether or not the league actually saw it – that gets Ray Rice blackballed – but Adrian Peterson, Greg Hardy, Ray McDonald all get jobs – thank goodness Aaron Hernandez actually had a trial that convicted him; because, if it were up to the NFL, he would have paid a fine and suited up the first Sunday – unless he smoked weed – then it’s at least a suspension of 3 games.  In this league it’s simple, don’t do drugs or hit the QB to hard, you’ll face a moratorium – beat, rape, abuse all the women and children you want – it’s just a speeding ticket.


Oh and this happened yesterday…