The 5th of May’s Lavanderia Sucia

I HAVE IT 115-113 PACQUIAO. BUT OF COURSE, THIS IS HIS HOME RING, HOMETOWN, HOME STATE. ANNOUNCERS BIASED.

— SKIP BAYLESS (@REALSKIPBAYLESS) MAY 3, 2015

This is a tweet by Skip Bayless, the tabloid emperor – Count Shout-U-la.  As you can see from this rant, he believes Pacquiao won the fight.  He has to, right?  That’s the format.  Skip has to play contrarian to Stephen A and his subjective admiration of Floyd Mayweather’s jock-strap tea.  Remember when detached objectivity was a cornerstone of journalism.  Say what you want about Floyd and his ambient-style of pugilism.  Say whatever you want about his undefeated record against both sexes.  However, what you must say and acknowledge is Floyd won the fight by out-boxing Manny.   Floyd landed 67 more punches – Manny only landed 19% of his – In every other American sporting industry, that is cataclysmic failure.  Skip has to play the part right – in this parody of a caricature of an argument?  He cannot be this bombastically blind, or maybe it’s just the death-cry of a man’s dignity dying before us.

Manny Pacquiao Could Face Legal Trouble For Hiding His Shoulder Injury

In other news…The fight that felt like it went on forever is still going on and this time it has legal ramifications – apparently fighters are injected like race-horses – note the medications taken last month by Manny.  The issue is, there is no disclosure of a a shoulder-injury that everyone conveniently provided as an excuse.  Under threat of perjury, Boxers are legally required to disclose their injuries – not just for obvious health reasons, but for the millions of dollars wagered on the outcome – we degenerates deserve honesty and full disclosure before we gamble.  In the real world this is fraud – in boxing this is normal – this is how the conspiracy starts and the next fight gets created.  We should all learn from our mistakes and stop wondering what happens when a Bear s#*^s in the woods.

The nickname, plus the logo were retired in 2012, and after a long protracted battle with the NCAA are trying to come up with some alternatives – and you can help!  Here are some from the CONSIDER list with authentic rationale:

  • Tundra Rats — The Tundra Rats name would evoke the cold inhospitable nature that is Grand Forks North Dakota. Rats are an intimidating animal.
  • Vicious Prairie Dogs — VICIOUS
  • Zombies — We already have a green, black, and pink color scheme, and zombies are cool
  • wombats — kind of like a golden gopher, only bigger. You said you wanted “unique”
  • TSUNAMIS — If UND is named TSUNAMIS we can still keep fighting TSU!!!
  • Swallows — Because UND has sucked for so long
  • Sunflakes — Grand Forks is the Sunflake City. Noone else will use the nickname. It’s at least as fierce as a banana slug.
  • Squirrels — Squirrels are awesome
  • Spacklers — Carl Spackler (most lethal gopher hunter in history).
  • Snowflake city — white people
  • Snowballs — We get a lot of snow in North Dakota, and also UND has a snowball’s chance in hell of winning a Division I championship.
  • Skunks — People from North Dakota refuse to take showers and smell funny; just like skunks. They have a natural aura of skunk poop.

consideration-list

non-consideration-list

Find your favorite and let us know!


What to watch…

NBA Playoffs  – conference semi-finals – The teams that have W’s in their nicknames play tonight, which is ironic since neither has any L’s so far in the post-season.  The Wiz take on the Hawks again at 8 EST on TNT and lead the series 1-0.  Memphis takes on the Warriors at 10:30 EST, also on TNT – interesting to note that the newly-minted MVP and Golden State are 44-0 when holding opponents under 100pts this year.

NHL Playoffs – Chicago @ Minnesota, Game 3, ‘Hawks lead 2-0 at 8 EST on NBCSN.  Anaheim @ Calgary, Game 3, Ducks lead 2-0 at 9:30 EST USA.

Person of Interest – season finale – Finch and Root try to save the machine from Samaritan, while Reese is in the middle of a gang-war.

The Flash – Dr. Wells(bad guy) unleashes Gorilla Grodd(other-bad guy) – A giant ape with mind-control abilities

So, celebrate the Battle of Puebla responsibly – you only need a little RDA of Vitamin T  – and hopefully your DVR can record more than one show.

 

May the DiRT Be With You…and also with you

mayweather pacquiao punchout!!

Super-Nintendo Punchout summarizes the fight –  from sports grid.

Ah the Romans – it was in full display – the Bread and the Circuses – except it seemed while we got the circus – they forgot our bread.  THE MOST SPECTACULAR FIGHT OF OUR TIME – YOU CANT MISS THIS ONE – TWELVE UNFORGETTABLE ROUNDS FOR ONLY $99.

That is the beautiful thing about pay-per-view sporting events – there are no sell outs, no waiting in line, no standing-room only, no one getting turned away at the gate by small giants and fire marshals for too much booze on your breath – none of that!  As long as you want it – you’ve got a better seat than any celebrity –‘Murica!

But the fight – ughh – it was just like I wrote back in December, #CalledIt.  Want to know what was a better fight than #MayPac?  Jamie Foxx staying in tune.  Clint Eastwood versus a chair.  Bob Barker versus Happy Gilmore.  Jay Z versus Beyonce’s Sister.  Kevin James versus skinny jeans, Deebo versus Craig – we get it!  The build up was Wrestlemania without the drama, The Royals have thrown more punches this year – it made you long for the days you dropped that kind of scratch on a Mike Tyson fight that was over in less than 90 seconds.  Mayweather handed out more hugs to Manny than his own kids.

If this was what people thought was the Fight of the Century – did they mean this actual century or the last 100 years – then Boxing is dead – maybe it survives as some bare-knuckled-quasi blood-sport on late night TV – but there will never be anything great about it ever again.  I preferred to watch a rerun of Hagler v Hearns – it’s what we expected Saturday – or relive the salad days of any of Muhammad Ali’s fights.  With Ali, we were lucky and privileged to live in the same century with him.  He was a true aristocrat of the spirit, I love the man.  He spoke to the best and bravest in us and his fights are priceless.  Floyd will never understand, and it seems he doesn’t care too – he’s just fine being the captain on the Titanic.


NBA Fevah!  Chris Paul was doing his best Steph Curry impression making an incredible shot, that I still don’t know how it went in, to beat the Spurs, 111-109.  This undercard was better than Saturday’s main event.  The Clippers needed all of the 8 for 14 beyond the arc points in the second half, before Paul’s lucky nail in the champ’s coffin.  Does this propel the Clippers to bigger things?  Is this the end of the Spurs as we knew them?  What I do know is; I could watch these two play the rest of the year and it would still live up to expectations.  The question though, is this:  will there be any other series as good as this one for the rest of the playoffs?


There he is, the favorite, American Pharoah.  The first horse to start in position 17 or farther and win the (141st) Kentucky Derby.  I had told you to leave him off because of that (and because they clearly don’t know how to spell Pharaoh) – what is the meaning of statistics if you cant remove the outliers.  Well the outliers win sometimes and sometimes they rough you up pretty good.  The break the horse made from the 18th position to be near the front of the pack and not get boxed in was remarkable.  He was given a clear shot – as was I, or so I thought for most of the race.  It was another lesson I got sloppy with from the harsh school of gambling, that dealt me another quick beating for leaving off the favorite – see I had Dortmund and Firing Line in an Exacta boxBlind spots are fatal – they’ll punish you every time.  So the questions will begin again about the potential of American Pharoah(sic) being the next triple-crown winner – and the answer is no, but I will not leave him off again, just to be safe.


The Houston Firs-tros have won 10 straight and own the American League’s best record at 18-7.  As the Astros celebrate their 50th year, you have to wonder when do they come back to Earth?  In the AL West they may never – the Angels have serious problems, the Rangers are terrible and The A’s and Mariners do not play consistently enough to challenge, so…It’s a long season and Houston is a young team that will have to prove it in the dog-days – but for now, how about dem Astros!

In other weird baseball news – the Rockies still can’t play in SoCal, and the Yankees swept the Red Sox for the first time since 2006.  David Ortiz failed to deliver a bases-loaded, down-by-three, in the bottom of the ninth – either further proving his PED use, or Adam Warren is that good – has not allowed a run in 10 appearances.

Matt Harvey is 5-0 for the 1st place Mets since Tommy John Surgery and it must be an “odd” year, because the Cardinals have the best record in baseball – World Series appearances in 2011 and 2013.


May the 4th be with you!

In honor of Saga and today being May 4th – #StarWarsDay – here is some entertainment:


It’s still fresh!

3rd Stone from the Sun

It’s wonderful.  It came in the nick of time.  The whole nation getting jittery from too much riot-news and the sporting public is demanding wilder and wilder sport-spectacles, to blot out the dark horizon…and then it happens, everywhere and all at once this Saturday.  The Sheriff and I start our day off with a bowling tournament of champions for our kids and that got me thinking about something my friend La-A (pronunced Ladasha, not kidding) said.  La-A lives up the road from the bunker and says she wants to open a chain of national bowling alleys where house rules require that you check your clothes at the door.

“It keeps them from stealing,” she told me.  “A naked person is an honest person.  We have low operating costs – free labor, no taxes, new friends in strange places and extremely addictive behavior five times a week.”  Hundreds of thousands of otherwise decent people could already be hopelessly addicted to naked bowling, which renders them useless for normal work.  Not too mention the chicken-choking-freaks that’ll hang around – you’ll notice them by the stains on their jeans.

They are the wetheads, a plague of leeches on the body politic.  They’ll dim the brain as well as the body and eventually the victim gets sucked dry and dies.  That is dead weight – which is fatal to a fast-moving economy.  Could any sane person even tolerate naked bowling – think of the tragic encounters and everything it stands for – the sound of the heavy black ball crashing down on anything made of wood-polymer in a contortionist ballet of the body, could make anyone disordered.

But if they succeed and make it a recognized sport in this country with proper rules and regulations of appearance – I am after-all, a professional sportswriter – it says so right here on my credentials – and I would have to report on what I see for you, the public, watching real-life naked bowling.  It would be televised on some Canadian HBO, late at night, pitting two teams of extremely naked women with huge breast implants and fake lips going head-to-head – that no doubt would be wearing Hooters T-shirts if this were anything else but organized recess – and let me tell you, they’d be going for it – locked in a scoreless tie after 13 frames of pretty frantic bowling.

Sounds about right…Let’s all get naked and go bowling.  Why not?  Where can you watch this stuff?  Where is one, right?  It’s still better than going to the Derby.

If you have ever been to Churchill Downs, then you know how truly heinous an experience it can be.  I can tell you that Derby Week in Louisville is a white-knuckle orgy of booze, sex and violence that, 99 times out of 100, swamps anybody who goes near it in a hurricane of fear, pain and mind-numbing disasters that will haunt you for the rest of your life.  The behavior of the crowd on race day is like 100,000+ vicious hyenas going berserk all at once in a space the size of 787 or a basketball arena.  Going is worse than volunteering to join Pickett’s charge at Gettysburg, and just as fun.  I still have recurring nightmares that cause me to wake up sweating and screaming like someone pulling a tape-worm out thru my nose.  My memories are extremely clear and far too obscene to describe here – some involve jails, insane asylums, trials, beatings, police-brutality and private graveyards filled with victims of tragic medical experiments.  You’ll come back with stories of people being deliberately set on fire and tortured by drunken rich people who then hurl their bodies off a cliff into the Ohio river and laugh about it later.  Only to have their families be told by the authorities that they must have ran off to Hollywood to get famous with a band of Turkish horse-gamblers.

Things like that happen every year when the Derby comes around – some simply disappear into thin air or come back with horrible disfigurements and no memory.  Others end up in “hospitals down south” and never mentioned again by people who knew them.  You’d like to think Eyes Wide Shut was just a movie, but Omerta is the code of the South, especially when weird shit is committed by rich people.  Horse people have very small attention spans for anything involving humans – you can read it in the obituary of some head on collision, with an unidentified truck far out on the River road and a private cremation ceremony for close family members only, who wish to remain anonymous.

Thankfully the Derby itself is only 2 minutes long – in sports few things last that long, a Rousey knockout, Sumo wrestling and drag racing are the only tings that come to mind. I have a soft spot for betting the Derby, regardless of the scars from being a witness.  So I’ll bet from a far and begin to enjoy one of the greatest Saturdays of all time.  If you’re wondering, No horse has ever won the Derby from the 17th position and that is where American Pharaoh, the favorite, starts.  With that information, these are the horses that will finish 1-4 in any order: International Star, Frosted, Firing Line, and Dortmund – I have not yet settled on Win, Place, Show, but will definitely Box these four.

Rarely can you find this much action in one day outside of a cockfight in rural Arkansas, but thankfully we have a Game 7 with the Spurs/Clippers and the night finishes off with Pacquiao/Mayweather.  It is more rare that a main event in Las Vegas starts before midnight on the East coast – and considering a NBA game is usually 2.5 hours, you’ll get to watch all 3 events on a Saturday night – just remember who owns Saturday night and the possibility of long lines at the ATM.

We all have a vice and tomorrow night indulges most of them, even for the most ardent opponent of affluent clemency.  It’s all decadent and depraved.  It will satiate our blood-lust as we circle the drain of Dante’s toilet-bowl – It’s what happens when it all accumulates on TV making long-distance hunch bets on a horse named Dortmund.  I’m starting to feel a bit decadent and depraved myself, maybe it’s all true and too much of this causes brain cancer – I will do some more research and report back later – I’ve got some bets to make and some friends to fleece.  Buy the Ticket, take the Ride!

42 – the Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything

Today in 1947, Jackie Robinson broke the color-line held by Major League Baseball.  At 28, he played his first MLB game in front of 26,000 spectators at Ebbets Field, and on that day he would fail to get a hit, but would score a run that led to the Dodgers wining, 5-3 over the Braves.  His achievement was one year before Harry Truman desegregated the military.  Jackie would became an example of non-violence and his talent helped challenge the foundations of what a man could do, not just the color of their skin.  He became the first athlete at UCLA to letter in four sports, (Baseball, Football, Basketball and Track).  Jackie would play in 6 World Series and win one in 1955.  He was the MLB Rookie of the Year in ’47 and won the NL Batting Title and NL MVP in ’49.  He was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1962 and owns a career batting average of .311.  But baseball was just part of the man – He became the first black television analyst in MLB, as well as the first black vice-president of a major corporation, Chock full O’Nuts.  He would help establish the Freedon National Bank in Harlem, a black owned financial institution.  Also on this day, eleven years later the first MLB game is played on the West Coast between the Dodgers and the GiantsToday is Jackie Robinson Day, and everyone wears 42!


 

After tonight, the real season begins in the NBA and we will know a few more things about what kind of heart these teams possess.  Everyone seems to have the will to win, it’s the will to prepare that separates champions, from the rest of the s’posed-ta’s.  With a big slate of games tonight, only two provide any drama and that is OKC and New Orleans.  Sure there is still the matter of Brooklyn and Indiana, but neither team will finish near .500 – real drama demands winning records.

The only way OKC makes the ‘offs is IF they win and the Pelicans lose – every other combination favors the Pelicans.  For my money, it’s a changing of the guard scenario I’m hoping for – sure, it might be the last time we see Durant and Westbrook play together, but it’s not like we haven’t seen what it is already with the injuries inflicted on each other.  Golden State v New Orleans seems more entertaining for my NBA dollar than does OKC.  Yes, Westbrook is a dynamo, but his one-man-band approach is tiresome and he loses as many games it seems, than he wins.

If none of that floats your boat as much as it should than consider this:  Minnesota, who currently has the leagues worst record, could easily maintain that mark by losing to OKC tonight – selling the drama.  Even more so, if you have watched the T-puppies, you would have noticed they have a nice young team and if they got the first pick – they could use it for something other than wing type players (they need a dynamic PG or Big) – making the selection either Okafor, or Towns.  Regardless of which side of the fence you fall on, about who’s number 1 – it makes the ‘Wolves a potential contender.  Marinate on that for a bit.

Irony would be the Knicks, again creating conspiracy theories, by getting the 1st pick – like they did with Ewing.  This league has migrated to wing players, and if your a Knicks fan – do you trust a man who puts as much time in evaluation, as he does a cup of coffee?

But while we are talking about the strange and ironic – I’d like to give a shout out to Brad Stevens.  Sure Steve Kerr will likely take Coach of the Year honors, but consider the job that Stevens did with the Celtics.  Besides you Jon Beckwith, could any of you name 3 guys on the Celtics?  The Celtics will make the playoffs after trading their best player and using a boat-load of Duct-Tape to keep the roster together.  They will play the Cavaliers, whom they just beat recently by 39 – not that it means anything – but how sweet would that be for Celtics fan, who also suffers having a guy named Isiah Thomas on their team…


 

click to watch

 

That is the catch that Nolan Arenado made last night against the Giants in the bottom of the 8th – even better than the catch would have been the throw he made from the tarp for a double play.  There is a reason he is two years in and is also a two-time gold glove winner – it’s early, but he might have just sewed up his third with that play.  Even Baseball Tonight had to end their Web Gems with this play – the defacto #1.

However, as impressive as this catch is, the Rockies on the road have been more so.  Last year they won a paltry 21 games – they have 5 road-wins already.  Yes, it’s a long season, and they are still terrible at home (1-2), it’s a long season – and they are still in first place of the NL West all by themselves (tied for first overall with the Braves in the NL), again it’s a long season.  Most Rockies fans, use Coors Field as an occupier of time until the Broncos season starts, it’s a long season – The Giants were the only team the Rockies had a winning record against last year and it seems that they have no fear again, but it’s a long season.  We’ve seen this picture show before and we need to wait until the dog-days begin for meaningful baseball in September – but for the moment it is fun to watch and when the wheels fall off, we’ll forget all about the hope that sprung eternal in April.  Until then, BUY THE TICKET, TAKE THE RIDE!


 

Riddick Bowe, former Heavyweight Champion, guy who beat Evander Holyfield twice – a 43-1 record with 33 knockouts.  He is either a flash-mob genius or is so far down on his luck that he actually needs the $20 to tweet whatever you want him to, to anyone.  Riddick Bowe has 450,000 followers so even if 1% of his followers deposit $20 into his paypal account – he will earn $90,000social media genius.  You got to respect that hustle – what are followers for if you cannot monetize them?  It appears that some are already willing to pay for that luxury, as witnessed by the tweet below, yesterday.  So, What will @riddickbowe tweet for you?

I tell you all now @JakeLeeYes is twice the fighter I ever was. Thats whats up. Bowe

— Riddick Bowe (@riddickbowe) April 14, 2015

 


 

…in closing, this is your tax dollars at work – so clearly the answer is to play more daily fantasy games with us – check the RotoCanon Page for updates.

3rd Stone from the Sun

There are many hard lessons to be learned from the “degenerate” experience, but the harshest one of them all is the difference between having Fun and being Smart.  It is the difference between Winning and Losing, on most days, and on Saturday the Final Four will be a lesson for fun-loving Losers.  It does not matter if you have Wisconsin or Michigan St winning it all.  Nor does it matter if you have Duke or Kentucky – the line for both games is 5 and if anyone tells you they know how it all plays out with certainty, well…you’ve been warned.

Saturday has never been kind or forgiving to these people.  They are taught all their lives that Saturday Night is when even idiots can cut loose and take risks that would be out of the question on any other night.  Get drunk, shoot guns, dance naked in public, or even crouch in your basement and hack into the NSA database…

If Sunday is the Lord’s day, then Saturday belongs to the devil.  It is the only night of the week when he gives out Free-passes to the Freak Show at the Too Much Fun Club.  Not everyone believes this, of course, and the doubters are not without wisdom.  However, it is no accident that Dog-Racing Tracks do phenomenal business on Saturday, or that people swarm into nightclubs and dance to a fevered beat.  Why not? At least they all have plenty of company…

Even the Jails become more crowded, and the lines are long at the neighborhood ATM.  Nobody feels guilty for things that happen on Saturday – not even the ones who fly off to Las Vegas and get married at Midnight by a Preacher who claims to be Elvis and fondles the bride while he talks.  What the hell, right?  It goes with the territory these days.  We are Modern People and we like to do Modern Things.  That is dangerous gibberish in some circles, and the “Degenerate Fraternity” is one of them.  There is nothing modern about doing dumb things for dumb reasons, and nothing new about the feelings of shame and disgrace that come down on people who think it is “Fun” to bet the outcome of Wrestlemania.

Or how much “Fun” it is to bet the Opening Day of baseball – who has the time or energy to breakdown spring-training games to evaluate whether or not the Rockies will avoid losing by more than 1.5 runs to the Brewers on Monday.  But, all that matters in the sports-gaming business is the score at the end of the day and winning at least 2 out of 3 – lest your wife files for divorce and strange men in black suits show up and kick down your door at night.

Take last night’s Suns v Warriors game as an example.  The first 47 minutes was not much to look at.  Kind of like that girl who doesn’t wear makeup and then suddenly decides to dress up and you can’t take your eyes off her in the last minute.  The Suns and Warriors traded leads in the last 26 seconds, 4 times.  Only to see Chef Curry bust a 3 – free salsa for everyone!  It’s a game like that, that is Fun to watch, a hospital stay to bet.


The Smart play, however, is that Steph Curry will be the MVP.  He’s the best player, on the best team, that could finish one loss shy of equaling the 95-96 Bulls and their 70-12 record.  The other guys? NO shot.  Except James Harden, he does deserve it.  The way he has scored 30+ points in a game 33 times.  The way he has had to lift his entire team, alone.  It’s impressive and it seems on a night-by-night basis both Harden and Curry trade metaphorical blows trying to knock the other guy out from the race.  It says something about the Warriors championship aspirations by continuing to grind out W’s when they don’t need them – their position is secured.  Jason Whitlock said on PTI yesterday, that watching the ballet between Curry and Harden was reminiscent of Ali/Frazier.  Harden being relentless, the power player that wants to punish you with drives to the basket.   While Curry is the Wizard that floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee.  The parallels are spooky, and the Smart thing would be to see them matched up in the playoffs.

Let’s all have more Fun, and have faith in a government that reaches a nuclear framework with Iran as John Boehner sips Netanyahu-Jockstrap-Tea in Israel; accept that on the same day we remember the first Zombie, it will also be the death-a-versary of Kurt Cobain‘s murder-suicide 21 years ago; trust that Ken Griffey Jr doubled in his first at-bat against Dave Stewart today in 1989; regard the Pony Express debuted today in 1860; admit Jesse James was shot by that coward Robert Ford today in 1882; swallow that Annie Hall beat Star Wars for best picture today in 1978, and affirm the Unabomber was arrested today in 1996.  Sunday is the Lord’s day and we shall use it to reflect upon the final Saturday of college basketball, feast on Easter ham, and welcome the start of baseball – Amen, Hallelujah – where’s the aspirin?

DiRTy Plays Friday the 13th

March 13th, 2015

News & Notes:

Well it is Friday the 13th and so we wanted to do something a little different today as we look to kickoff the St. Patrick’s Day party with some NBA fun tonight.  Below you will find a Free Roll that we have put together with DraftKings that is designed for only beginners.  You can click on any game, banner or highlighted phrase to be taken to the proper location.  This means if you have NEVER played on Draftkings before tonight is your night.  It cost you nothing to enter and if you click here or just go to our DiRTy Plays Week of March 9th page we will tell you how to win at this contest.  Once you win some money tonight, come back and visit us next week as our lineup optimizer will be ready for you to use and not only will we will analyze your daily DiRTy plays for DraftKings but Fan Duel as well, we always provide insight into why you should stick with certain players.  We will be adding a new segment next week that will also outline some of those guys that you should shy away from and why that is so look for that new segment.  Now let us me show you how we are doing as we don’t just provide info we play too so yes, we put our money where our mouth is so you can trust our analysis and results thereafter.

Fan Duel Earnings:

  • Started with $100 deposit on January 16th, 2015.
  • Earnings through March 11th, 2015 are $2,557
  • Profit from the week of March 9ththus far is a total of $389.50 as we have looked to increase our overall number of entries and entry fee contests to validate results on all levels of players.

Fan Duel Top Tournament Results from March 12th:

  • 310 (3460 of 22986) – $1 Entry/$2.50 Won x2 (Late Night Contest)
  • 7 (10440 of 86206) – $1 Entry/$2.50 Won x2 (NBA Swat)
  • 6 (20 of 181) – $25 Entry/$125 Won (Quintuple Up)
  • 7 (1071 of 11494) – $25 Entry/$55 Won (Super Slam)

***Won $190 gross, spent $60 and profited $130***

DraftKings Earnings:

  • Started with a $50 deposit on February 15th, 2015.
  • Earnings through March 11th, 2015 are $503.57
  • Profit for the week of March 9th thus far is $39.42

Results from March 12th, 2015

  • 331 (699 of 38260) – $3 Entry/$12.17 Won (Sharpshooter Contest)

***Won $12.17 gross, spent $3 and profited $9.17***

Games to Play Tonight


Just click on the one of the links above and you will be directed to these contests and you can start making a profit.

Monday Dreg

On this day…

March 2nd, 1962

Today 53 years ago, Philadelphia Warriors center Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points against the Knicks. It was the first time that a professional basketball player had scored 100 points in a single contest; the previous record, 78, had been set by Chamberlain earlier in the season. During the game, Chamberlain sank 36 field goals and 28 foul shots, both league records. — courtesy of the History Channel

NBA DiRTy Plays 3-2-15

maninironmask


 

Today is Franchise Tag day and already we have learned that the Lions will not use the franchise tag on DT Ndamukong Suh, making him an unrestricted free agent.  That the Chiefs placed the franchise tag on OLB Justin Houston (league-leading 22 sacks) and the Broncos are expecting to tag Demaryius Thomas before the deadline expires at 4pm EST.  There are rumors that Lesean McCoy will be used as a bargaining chip to move up the draft to take Mariota and that Dallas is going to let Demarco Murray test free-agency, after using the franchise tag on Dez Bryant.

Both DeMarco(392) and LeSean(312) led the league in rushing attempts.  The danger for DeMarco and your fantasy team is the curse of 370.  The curse inflicts itself on RB’s who carry the ball 370+ times, and limiting their numbers from the previous year, due to injury or freak-o-nomics.  Considering the history DeMarco has staying healthy – you’d be wise to avoid him in 2015 regardless of where he goes.  I know of only 3 players in NFL history that equaled or outperformed their previous years stats and DeMarco is not LaDanian Tomlinson, Earl Campbell or WALTER PAYTON!.  As for the Eagles willing to part ways with LeSean, it signals louder that the position of running back is less relevant than it used to be.  More and more teams believe in divas like Dez, than guys who earn their yardage running the ball.

For those like Ndamukong Suh who are not tagged, the Lions (teams) have 7days to negotiate a contract or let them go via free agency.  There are several places that will bid heavy for a force like Suh.


 

Ty Lawson.  The only reason to watch the Nuggets.  Word is that now when breaking the huddle the Nuggets are counting down the end of the season – “1-2-3…6weeks!”  Good for them! When you look at what the front-office has done in just two short years – how do you blame the players for wanting this long-drawn-out-fiasco to last?  On Friday night, the Nuggets got blown-out by the Jazz 104-82.  The No-guts have not had a winning month since October when they were 1-0.

They sent Affalo to 1st place (in the division) Portland and Faried has done nothing offensively to earn his new contract.  So what’s the plan?  The No-guts have no off-the dribble threats nor do they have any reliable perimeter scorers.  So all that is left is Ty Lawson, the Todd Helton of the Nuggets during an extensive rebuilding project.  Do not expect him to be on the team next year, as Sacramento will do what they can to trade for him after the end of the season.

So with a top 10 pick looming in the June draft and cap space, do we really have faith in a front-office that blew up a team that won 57 games and was a number 3 seed two years ago?  As long as kroenke the younger continues to insert himself into the day to day, this franchise will never be good.  We’ve had past-glimpses, only to have us slapped awake by the reality of what it takes for championship basketball in Colorado.  First things first, maybe we get rid of the name Nuggets and go from there…


 

Considering the calendar has turned and conference tournaments are gearing up for their entrance to the Madness – we bring a few thoughts on recent games and what they might mean for our brackets – courtesy of Ryan Fagan

Resume potential

BYU 73, Gonzaga 70. This says more to me about Gonzaga than BYU but...the Cougars (23-8) knock off a potential No. 1 seed, and they did it on the road on Gonzaga’s senior night. BYU does have a couple of ugly losses on the season — swept by Pepperdine — and nothing is guaranteed, but an elite win like this one will go a long way with the selection committee.

St. John’s 81, Georgetown 70. This was a good win for the Red Storm, who lost to Georgetown by 22 the first time they met. Add to this a pair of season sweeps of Providence and Xavier — two at-large quality teams — and St. John’s should be OK when Selection Sunday rolls around.

Boise State 56, San Diego State 46. The Broncos already owned a record of 22-7 and had won 11 of their past 12 games. On Saturday, Boise State finished its sweep of the Aztecs and picked up what is easily its best win away from home. With other bubble teams struggling down the stretch, the red-hot Broncos offer the committee an alternate look.

Dayton 59, VCU 55. The Flyers (22-6) might have been OK, but beating a quality team like VCU on the road moves them toward the much more secure part of the bubble. At least, it helps make up for the loss at Duquesne last Saturday.

LSU 73, Ole Miss 63. Really, this one could go in the “Blowing Bubbles” category, too. It was a nice win for LSU (21-8), but it’s the second consecutive loss for Ole Miss (19-10). The Rebels can’t afford for this streak to get any longer.

Davidson 77, George Washington 66. Once upon a time, George Washington was in line to get an at-large bid. That’s no longer the case, but this is still a win that boost Davidson’s thin resume. And, it keeps the Wildcats (21-6) in a first-place tie atop the Atlantic 10 heading into Thursday’s game at home against VCU.

Blowing bubbles

Boston College 79, N.C. State 63. This was maybe the most confounding result of the day. Boston College was 1-14 in the ACC heading into this one, and the Eagles held at least a 20-point lead for much of the contest. The loss dropped N.C. State to 17-12. It doesn’t knock them out of contention — the committee will still love the Wolfpack’s wins at Louisville and at North Carolina — but it’s not a good look.

Villanova 78, Xavier 66. This isn’t a bad loss for Xavier (18-12) — Villanova is a potential No. 1 seed — but it was a missed opportunity for the Musketeers, who led by seven at halftime and could have used the boost that comes with beating an elite team.

Kansas 69, Texas 64. As with Xavier, this wasn’t a “bad loss” for Texas. But, unlike Xavier, the Longhorns really needed this victory to counteract a growing list of losses to solid teams. At some point, the resume needs a big win or two, and this is one that got away.

North Carolina 73, Miami 64. The Hurricanes really, really needed another win against an at-large caliber foe, and they let this one slip away. Now, they’re 18-11 and probably on the wrong side of the bubble, though they’ll have ACC Tournament opportunities.

Texas Tech 63, Oklahoma State 62. Oklahoma State, at this point, is in a bit of a free-fall. The Cowboys (17-11) have lost four in a row, and two of those losses (this one and at TCU) were to teams that aren’t making the NCAA Tournament. Travis Ford’s team is in big trouble right about now.

Taking care of business

Georgia 68, Missouri 44. The epitome of a don’t-screw-around game, and the Bulldogs (19-9) didn’t screw around with this one.

Rhode Island 59, La Salle 56. The Rams (20-7) led the host Explorers come back a bit but wound up holding on to keep hold of their share of first place in the Atlantic 10 at 12-4.

Cincinnati 63, Tulane 47. The Bearcats (20-9) lost their home game to Tulane, so there was zero chance they were taking this one for granted. They didn’t.

Iowa 81, Penn State 77 OT. The Hawkeyes have had an up-and-down season, and this was nearly one of those ugly downs. But Iowa (19-10) survived in overtime, which is what matters.

Illinois 86, Northwestern 60. The Illini (18-11) had lost three in a row, so this was key.


 

Rousey v Zingano Whole Fight GIF

This is Ronda Rousey and the fight took 14 seconds.  Here are a few things that take longer:

  1. NFL decision on Ray Rice
  2. Bathroom break
  3. Josh Hamilton relapse
  4. Derrick Rose comeback
  5. Nomar Garciaparra at bat
  6. Prius merging onto highway

 

It’s Spring Training and we already have freakish injuries and embarrassment.  The Phillies opened up Spring Training by losing to the number one team in Division II – the University of Tampa, 6-2!  It’s meaningless baseball but it sure doesn’t read well to begin this way if you’re a Phillies fan.  The Rockies play the University of Phoenix on Tuesday, so….lord help us all.

As for your typical ‘only in baseball‘ injuries we have a torn meniscus from stepping on a sprinkler head – Michael Saunders; a fractured shoulder from getting out of a swimming pool – Ronald Belisario; to Chris Sale fracturing his foot steeping off the back of his truck.  There needs to be a Federal inquiry into why baseball players seem to suffer, by order of magnitude, more freak injuries than other sports’ athletes.

Here are some ‘might take the next step’ guys: — Courtesy of Dave Tobener

Brandon Belt, Giants: His breakout likely would’ve happened last year if not for a broken hand followed by a concussion. Belt had 9 home runs in early May and looked like he could easily reach 30 at the rate he was going. An on base machine, Belt has the potential to hit for both power and average and is also a sneaky stolen base threat. He’ll likely bat third for the Giants and could be due for that monster season everyone has been expecting ever since he tore through the minor leagues in 2010.

Zack Wheeler, Mets: Wheeler showed signs of being an ace last year and is poised to take a big leap in 2015. If he can cut down on his walks, he has the potential to be special. He averaged more than a strikeout per inning last year and had games where he looked absolutely unhittable. It’s a shame he won’t get much support from his offense, but he should still post good numbers.

Joc Pederson, Dodgers: Pederson’s path to playing time was cleared when the Dodgers unloaded Matt Kemp, and the rookie will get his chance to make people believe the hype. There’s nothing left for him to prove in the minors, and Pederson presents real 20-20 (maybe even 30-30) potential with regular at bats. He’s the most exciting outfield prospect to come around in a while and it’d be no surprise to see him make an impact early.

SEATTLE, WA - MAY 25:  George Springer #4 of the Houston Astros hits a two-run home run in the sixth inning against the Seattle Mariners at Safeco Field on May 25, 2014 in Seattle, Washington.  (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)

George Springer, Astros: If he ever finds plate discipline, watch out. He may have struck out a ton, but Springer was still very impressive last year and could make a huge leap in 2015 if he can figure out the strike zone. He’s a big, strong guy with 30-plus home run potential who also possesses uncanny athleticism. He could easily lead the league in homers if he figures things out; on the flip side, he might strike out 220 times, too. But a big year awaits.

Oswaldo Arcia, Twins: He’s hit 34 home runs in parts of two big league seasons but doesn’t get a lot of press (or any press) for a variety of reasons. The Twins may have bigger prospects in the pipeline, but Arcia has shown he’s ready for an every day role and should finally get the chance in 2015. He has definite 30 homer potential and his minor league numbers suggest his OPS should rise, too. Arcia is the definition of a sleeper.

Marcell Ozuna, Marlins: He had an excellent 2014 and should be ready to take a huge leap forward this season. Ozuna basically skipped two levels of minor league ball and went straight to the majors, yet he’s performed so well it’s clear he wasn’t rushed prematurely. With a better lineup around him in Miami, the time seems right for Ozuna to reach the next level.

Aaron Sanchez, Blue Jays: Will he start? Will he close? No matter, since Sanchez has the pure stuff to succeed in either role. He was virtually untouchable in 33 innings last year, and if the Blue Jays don’t trade for a proven closer it’s easy to picture Sanchez putting up huge numbers there for an improved Jays team. He should have the same kind of success as a starter, but his innings will likely be limited if he’s in the rotation. Either way, he’s poised to make a lot of noise this season.

Gerrit Cole, Pirates: You can argue that he’s already broken out, but the potential is there for Cole to be a perennial Cy Young candidate. His third year should be the year he finally puts it all together and dominates for a Pirates team that expects to be in contention. He should get closer to 200 IP this year if he can stay healthy and it’ll be interesting to see how his numbers react. With as much talent as he has, those numbers should be big. This should be the year Cole proves everyone who named him one of the best pitching prospects in baseball right.

Xander Bogaerts, Red Sox: He didn’t live up to the hype in his rookie year, but asking any young guy to play shortstop in Boston and put up big numbers is a tall task. Now, removed from the hype and surrounded by a much better lineup, Bogaerts should be able to relax and let his natural ability shine through this year. He’s a shortstop with 20-plus home run potential, something that doesn’t come along every day. While the fans and media focus on all of Boston’s new acquisitions, Bogaerts can go about his business and show that everyone was right about his potential…just a year late.

Eric Hosmer, Royals: You’re forgiven if you feel like Hosmer has been around for 10 or so years, considering the immense hype and expectations that were pinned to him before he even debuted. But Hosmer is only 25, coming off a huge second half and postseason and poised to build on that success in 2015. He’s had a nice career up to this point, but nowhere near what many thought he was capable of when he debuted in Kansas City. This should finally be the year that Hosmer establishes himself as the dangerous middle-of-the-order hitter Royals fans have wanted him to be for years. A 25 home run season isn’t out of the question.


Abstract DiRT

Strike 1

The rich girls from TO must be home from college. Tubby, unfortunately manish, and super stuck up are all at Hemingways tonight — Gregg Zaun (@greggzaun) December 19, 2012

Dear DiRT Canon…

I know this is going to sound like a crazy fantasy, but every word of this story is true!

I was in Baltimore in ’95 fulfilling my duties as lowly rookie for a high profile Athletic Company.  Despite my meager status, I was allowed to attend lavish parties and sporting events.  In between such events, I got to know several of my coworkers.  Being nervous and notoriously shy around such talented individuals, I was unsure of how to approach or act.  But they were too full of life, for me not to want to be nearer to them.  They were tall, athletic, knew how to move around and were graceful with the leather and the lumber – if you know what I mean.

Summoning up all my courage, I approached them from the other-side of the locker room.  I awkwardly introduced myself to them and asked them what their names were.  I already knew one of them from several industry magazines, interviews and currently being on an amazing streak.  I felt they were impressed with my straightforwardness, they smiled and said their names – Brady, Ben and Cal.  Embarrassingly, they said they already knew who I was – I say embarrassed because usually I’m very humble and not boastful.

We began to make small talk.  They asked me questions about life, interests, hobbies, etc..I could tell they liked me, they were charming and then they became suggestive.  They must have been able to read my body language because they offered me to join them in the training room.

Going to the Training room with these veterans at that moment, I was in heaven.  They set the mood, by clearing out the room, turning on the remaining lights and beginning to playfully percuss my ribs.  The time was now and I could tell today I was going to become a changed man.  The time for ritualization was upon us and it was mind-blowing.

They strapped me down to the training table, spread eagle and continued with their corporeal torture.  Never before had I been alone with 3 men who knew exactly what they were doing – never before have I met anyone that was more capable or complimentary in the impure – with love, they inscribed rookie on my forehead.  They knew exactly what to do and exactly when – and nearing the happiest of endings, they dumped a bucket of ice down my pants.

When it was over, I was exhausted.  I’m still not sure how long I was strapped to that table – hours perhaps.  But I know I was educated that day.  Educated on what it takes to be a man and too make it in this world.  If only every “rookie” could go thru what I went thru – this business would be better for it.

That’s my playful rendition from notable twit Gregg Zaun explaining how hazing is good for sports and the reason why ex-Blue Jays 3rd baseman, Brett Lawrie is no longer with the team.  In true Penthouse forum fashion he says he was taken out of context by a blogger who only listened to his interview and therefore could not grasp the enthusiasm – Listen to it and judge for yourself here.

Cal Ripken has come out and stated none of this is true, as has Brady Anderson – so do we chalk it up to a guy who was in the Mitchell Report for steroid abuse, downing a few cocktails and delving into fetish fantasia?  Zaun’s-street-cred is that of a 16yr backup catcher, who played for 23 MLB teams, that no one really likes – compared to the street-cred of the Iron Man-Hall of Fame SS-Cal Ripken Jr…There’s usually something about a$$Clowns like Canseco and Zaun – sometimes the sun does shine on a dog’s A$$…


 

Strike 2

Awwww Marketing, the sweeter science.  This is the Mets knew slogan for 2015 and they already have shirts printed!  No idea, what “the damn thing” is, or where it’s going to be taken.  Is it the NL East, more walks, the second wild-card?  – Maybe it’s in honor of the Wilpon’s business dealings with Bernie Madoff – I heard it was his desk-plate.

Rumor has it – it comes from video of this game more than 20yrs ago that the Mets were leading 10-0 (they won 10-9)…The Amazin’s could not find anything else to rally around? It’s like everyone has to have a slogan, mascot, or logo, CRIPES.

 


 

Strike 3

After Derrick Rose’s 2nd right knee injury – 3rd overall – It is the same knee that cost him 10 games into last season.  Either he’s gonna need new legs or get a better doctor.  Whenever it is that he feels he is ready to come back – he has to change his game.  Right?! Become less of a hop-step-slasher to the rim? Maybe the Bulls need a different philosophy if they continue to expect him to slash with two-bad-wheels.  Seems like this career is gonna end up in the woulda-shoulda pile of basketball history.  Here’s hopin’ for a phoenix metaphor the rest of his career – we seem to have hardly knew ya.


maninironmask

‘The Man in the Iron Mask’ – the ‘Must-Haves‘, the ‘Sleepers‘ and those that might find themselves on the trainers table for your FanDuel NBA-delights each night.  We will post these for you everyday by 1p MST – so check back in the afternoon.  ‘Click’ the picture for the days plays.

***Click the picture for Today’s DiRTy Plays – in the next couple of weeks, look for our lineup optimizer – remember to use our referral name***


 

51 yrs ago today…

On February 25, 1964, 22-year-old Cassius Clay shocks the odds-makers by dethroning world heavyweight boxing champ Sonny Liston in a seventh-round technical knockout. The dreaded Liston, who had twice demolished former champ Floyd Patterson in one round, was an 8-to-1 favorite. However, Clay predicted victory, boasting that he would “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee” and knock out Liston in the eighth round. The fleet-footed and loquacious youngster needed less time to make good on his claim–Liston, complaining of an injured shoulder, failed to answer the seventh-round bell. A few moments later, a new heavyweight champion was proclaimed.

 

 

 

Quick and DiRTy

Assassin’s Creed?

So, Kurt Busch, also known in NASCAR circles as “The Outlaw”, believes his ex-girlfirend is a government trained assassin. Nevermind the current investigation of him slamming her head into a wall why she visited his trailer for a bit of reconciliation.

In his fantasy he envisions Angelina Jolie from Wanted touring the world looking for contracts and signing those death warrants for hire, in blood.  She says this is all nonsense taken from a movie script she has been writing for the lat 8 years.

I’m not sure who to believe.  If she truly was, then he obviously is doing the right thing by exposing her, in case he turns up dead, mysteriously.  But if it is true then could she not have gone all “Gone Girl” on him, or sniped him to the big-race-track up in the sky – or is she really bad at her job like every other gubmint employee?  Read the hilarity here.


Finally!

Finally, we will get to see the fight we have been waiting for.  As a fan of the sweet science, I hope this isn’t the traditional Mayweather dance around snoozefest and we get to see a fight like Hagler v Hearns.  Pacquiao is 57-5-2 and gets 40% of the gate at age 34.  Floyd is 47-0 and gets 60% of the gate at age 35.  Tickets at the MGM grand are reportedly going for $5,000 at face value.  Anyone else wonder how much Floyd will bet of the supposed $100m he’ll earn, on himself?


Is this the reason Rob Konrad swam all those miles?

Rob Konrad says he was just fishing, by himself, caught one this [                    ] big, and fell off – then swam with or without the gulf-stream and ended up 27miles away from were he took off – in only his underwear, circled by sharks, stung by numerous jellyfish, on a January night in the Atlantic – with his boat being found on Deadman’s reef in the Bahamas after being on auto-pilot.

It is possible that the need for survival could have produced superhuman results, but we only have his word for it.  So many things do not seem to make sense and no one seems interested in asking these kind of questions.  When asked by different police officers of the incident, the story got more elaborate and then the press conference, where the story grew into a lifetime mini-series.  If we are just to take people’s word for strange, superhuman, phenomena then I have some beachfront property to sell you in Grand Junction.  Do we not remember the football player at USC, “Read my lips”, Lance Armstrong, Rafael Palmeiro, “Of course I Love you”, “I wont cum in your mouth”, Richard Nixon, etc…We’ll see, but I’m betting on insurance fraud, drugs, alcohol, or suicide and then changing his mind – or maybe more like the above picture and then down the road a letter from stranger that says “I know what you did last winter”.


hmmmmmm 1000 wins is hard

Miami ends Duke’s (second loss in 3 days) 41 game home streak by beating the Blue Devils 90-74 and extends Krooz-ahew-ski’s chances at getting to 1000 victories a bit longer.  So if you took the Hurricanes and the over we should talk because you clearly knew that Duke would not be able to stop Miami.


nuggets will never be this good again meme.jpg

So…the Nuggets traded Nate Washington to Boston for Jameer Nelson- neat


Clearly he needs more research as Todd Bowles is now the head coach of the Jets and none of those people seem to know Todd well at all – he chose the J-E-T-S and they are anything but low-key.

As for the Raiders this is what an owner does after interviewing Jack Del Rio:

bet the drapes dont match her pubes

Goes to Hooters to celebrate with Marcel Reese and George Atkinson.  I guess when you have been terrible since Gruden and you could not get Harbaugh, you settle for further medicority and choose Del Rio who couldn’t sack or stop Andrew Luck and the Colts without a running game.  Seriously Jack, all you had to do was prepare for Luck throwing the ball – see Patriots defensive gameplan.  But hey good for Mark Davis, he probably got a side of handjob with his wings and doesnt have to hire Tony Sparano now, because there were no other candidates.


Chock Full O’DiRT

1.  When we’re young…

So Mayweather says he has a date all picked out and is FINALLY ready to fight Pacquiao.  We’ve had negotiations, denied negotiations, accusations and overall excuses.  We have the 5 division champ lining up the 8 division champ and as Pacquiao says the fight is more than about money, it’s about legacy.  Should we care anymore?  It could be nothing more than a little dancing around the ring waiting for the bell to ring just to setup another fight.  Mayweather is an inch and a half taller and is rated by Ring Magazine as no.1 and Manny as no.3.  Surely this will be big enough and a lot of money is to be made and from the standpoint of age we arent getting any younger, nor are we gonna see the fight we should have.  Pacquiao says he will do his best to make it a good fight, but we all know Floyd’s style and his penchant of inducing us to sleep.  Gone are the days of real fights or the appointment fights of Mike Tyson.  Wouldn’t we rather see a Victoria Secret pillow fight instead?

2. A-Rod we Trust

You gotta love the Yankees – either they are increasingly delusional as the ship goes down like a whore on dollar day – or is it marketing genius to stir this drama-rita to remain relevant with the only prima-donna left at the ball.  It is going to be a crazy couple of months to watch it all unfold like a storyline ripped from the Young and the Restless; as outlined by Buster Olney here.

3. Pot-Roast Kingdom

Maybe Terrance Knighton has been on that treadmill too long for Bridgestone, guaranteeing a SuperBowl victory.  Bravado is one thing and what else is he going to say – he should believe it – it should be the goal – however when you say stuff like that out loud, you invite the kind of attention that maybe you aren’t quite ready for.  Pepperidge Farm remembers the last SuperBowl and the playoff loss to the Ravens and the playoff history of your quarterback – and so should you.  The Broncos are 0-5 when they wear orange in the big game – but it does take a team to win or lose and lately the team has struggled regardless of Peyton’s playoff record.  So best of luck and maybe this new found desire to run the football will finally teach Peyton what it takes to win and equal his brother.  It’s not to late, you can either be like Elway and let someone else be the focal point; or end up like Marino and always keep it on you.

4. Viva La Sabres

The NHL has a policy of voting for the ASG, allowing 10 votes per device, per day.  That loophole has exposed the mania for a favorite son to be the leading vote getter.  It is not the loyal fans of Pittsburgh voting for Sydney Crosby.  It is not the loyalty of Chicago fans voting for Patrick Kane or Jonathan Toews, (both the 2nd and 3rd leading vote-getters).  Toews and Kane are each being doubled up by the player who is ranked 51st at his position.  Surpassed by a center who has 9 goals, 17 points and is a +4.  A second year player taking the league by storm, a household name?  I introduce you to the Latvian Rocket – Zemgus Girgensons.  The center for the Fightin’ Buffalo Sabres is averaging 1pt every 2 games and has more than half the population of Latvia in votes, at 1.1 million (as of Tuesday).  If it’s ok for the NHL, (for more than 80% of the votes coming from Latvia to create a market to get a guy who equates to Derek Carr in the NFL, to be in the ASG,) then who are we to complain.  I’m sure all the Buffalonians are having fun with it and why not?  How often will Zemgus get to say he’s better than every center in NHL, when it comes to being a fan favorite.  I would love to see a picture of all those Sabres’ jersey’s in Latvia.