Quick and DiRTy (half) Dozen

Dropping Dimes

1.  In the Spirit of Mardi Gras: I offer this post for free, for missing yesterday

watch it live!

Mardi Gras is this Tuesday, so get all your sinnin’ in before you repent and bask in the triumph of the Holy Zombie 40 days later.  I am giving up listening to Pearl Jam for Lent, said no one ever.

Jesus’ Wife: “And where have YOU been for the past three days, Mr. Winemaker?”
Jesus Christ: “It’s okay, I’ll tell you…Not that’s important or anything, but I was DEAD!!! I’M IN A FUCKIN’ GRAVE OUTSIDE OF TOWN! I’M FIGHTIN’ DEATH, HELL, DECOMPOSURE! I’M CHANGIN’ SPIRITUAL FORM, ABOUT TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD, AND I GO “WAIT A SECOND! I GOTTA GO BACK BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHERE I’VE BEEN!”

Sam Kinison

You know what would be funny and show the world what kind whimsical bad-asses we are?  Instead of bombs, on Tuesday, we drop a load of Hot Dogs. #FU-Q-ISIS.

YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!!!


2.

That’s the Chicago Way!

Start a nationwide investigation! Root out the corruption, butcher the peccary!  Adults are selling our children’s future.  It’s a sweatshop!  Why won’t anyone think of the children?! Is any team innocent in this shell game?

So let’s give a round of applause again for adults removing Big Gulps, removing the lucky charms from breakfast, and ruining childhood.  You know who you are.  You’re the parent that wails and shrieks at children playing a game.  Maybe berates the umpire when your little Johnny gets called out on strikes, never taking the bat off his shoulders.  You’re the parent who looks at your child as a meal ticket, raising them on television to believe that one day they’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but they won’t.

Ban every adult involved from any activity that children participate athletically – put them on the list.  The same list as the rest of the pedophiles and pimps.  Ironic that a team from Nevada accuses Chicago of gerrymandering, considering their long history together.  But does it really change what those kids accomplished?  Is four blocks outside of the radius cause for alarm? We have visual evidence of who won the US title.  They all have the memories that came with winning.  What if they won the LL World Series?  Would we really give the trophy to another country? My issue is how do we decide that Vegas now gets the trophy if JRW vacated wins?  Maybe Mone Davis’ team wins.  No one should have a claim, like no one won the National Championship in 2005.  Just give the Vegas-LL team an Associated Press Paperweight Trophy – that seemed to work just fine for USC.  The BCS Trophy for that year still rests in Baton Rouge – it’s a Win-Win!


3.

Told Ya…

Back in December we called out the Kings for Nepotism and since, they acted like they were just waiting for the Viagra to kick-in, to man-up and actually hire George Karl.

Ty Corbin is fired with a 20-27 record since holding George’s seat warm and has lost 12 of 14.  Still waiting on that plan they were talking about – did you get the email?

I’ll keep going on this – I’ll wager that the Kings move to Seattle (#GKHomecoming) – Sacramento is no Palm Springs – and further wager that Seattle wins their 2nd title before OKC wins their first.  Y’all just remember where you read it first, while watching the highlights on SportsCenter.


4. 

Played 9 holes of Golf yesterday, or as Tiger would call it – 3 women…

The last two weeks have been very disappointing to me, especially Torrey, because I never want to withdraw. Unfortunately, lately injuries have made that happen too often.

This latest injury is not related to my previous surgery. I am having daily physical therapy and I am feeling better every day.

Right now, I need a lot of work on my game, and to still spend time with the people that are important to me. My play, and scores, are not acceptable for tournament golf. Like I’ve said, I enter a tournament to compete at the highest level, and when I think I’m ready, I’ll be back. Next week I will practice at Medalist and at home getting ready for the rest of the year. I am committed to getting back to the pinnacle of my game. I’d like to play The Honda Classic—it’s a tournament in my hometown and it’s important to me—but I won’t be there unless my game is tournament-ready. That’s not fair to anyone. I do, however, expect to be playing again very soon.

I want to thank the fans in Phoenix and San Diego. They were amazing. I greatly appreciate everyone’s support.

Tiger Woods

Tiger has no confidence anymore and seems to be using injuries as a crutch.  He’s that guy we saw on the court – you know that guy that would miss a layup and limp back like his ankle was sprained – that is what Tiger is now – THAT GUY.  Maybe he’ll come back, but it is foolish for him to think that as he ages he’ll be anything we saw before.  He needs to come to grips with his mid-life crisis – or maybe he has to go back to starring in several instructional videos like: Triple Bogey in the Back 9, Backdoor-Putts or Booty-Shack – I do not know.  I am far from being the Golf Whisperer, but I have stayed in a Holiday Inn and believe that Sergio would give everything, to be any version of Tiger.


5.

Lebron James’ Fashion (S#*!) Show

I mean WTF?!  This cross-pollination of athletes/musicians/actors is getting to the point where we should all rise up and drown the bastards in the toilet.  The NBA has moved to not playing actual basketball for a while, and now we have proof of their 5-year-plan…Cripes! Enjoy All-Star Weekend Everyone!

Me At Basketball


6.

I’m not a racist jerk…

Oh Ritchie Incognito, no one cares in the NFL.  You can beat a woman, rape others, abuse children, kill a man and it all doesn’t matter in the NFL – as long as you can play – that’s all that matters.  Let those actions rise up and testify!

testify

Besides it was Rex Ryan who said at his press conference, “He wanted to build a bully!”  That made you the priority.