Clear as Mud

A spiraling helix that rockets downward at godless velocity is called a Vortex.  One that helixes straight up is a Tornado.  They may appear different, but to philosophers of Physics and Quantum Mechanics, they are both the same thing.

Both will kill you instantaneously.  The contrast between being inhaled by a bottomless sinkhole and getting engulfed in the air, still in your car and then bombed to the ground onto a freeway during rush-hour 6 miles away, is that your remains are more easily identified scattered on the freeway during rush hour and, stories will come out about your love of kitten calendars, while your familys’ insurance will be cancelled, for unexplained reasons of course.

“It’s got to be Genetic”, they’ll say.  “I heard he came from a family of hoarders and his mother was struck by lightning twice when she was pregnant, and his Uncle was killed in a cracker factory – that family is doomed.”

The upside of being consumed like a beer-bong at college into the earthly/watery void, is that your body disappears forever.  No questions, no mistaken assumptions or innuendo, every Coroner, investigation will have problems coming to terms with what happened…”It’s like he was flushed,” said a witness.  “It was the last time I saw him, such a tragedy.”  And that is how the lifetime movie starts.

All spirals natural/unnatural will get out of control now and then:  Witness the horrible and recent fate of Peyton Manning in the postseason – Not even Joe Montana was smart and sharp EVERY Sunday.

But hold on! I’m getting to the point of the story – which is the Cascading Corkscrew of Dumbness that threatens to drag us all down into the Mother of all homicidal whirlpools.  It is the Natural Law of the Market Economy that a rising tide lifts all boats (maybe 12 hrs) – and unless the terrestrial-orbit gets blown off its axis by some gung-ho douchebag who wants to “teach North Korea a lesson”, the same applies to Low Tides.

But it is the mutant tides that lead to disasters, and this eerie paradox of a guaranteed high-yield economy, has made even Dumb people richer and richer for the last 20years is categorically a mutant tide…Also a law of nature, is when too many dumb people get rich all at once, they will naturally rise to the top and making more and more of those executive decisions that impact the lives of more and more people. anyway….

Listening to Ray Lewis speak is an obvious example of the dumbness spiral in action.  But he is not alone.  Other examples are all around us from Ebola and Sony Pictures to Greg Anthony and the possible loss of our wifi.  We live in times of diminishing expectations and impulsive whimsy.  The point please?!

The financial success of Major League Baseball contradicts the whirlpool of support for younger generations. The game goes on, yet does anyone have faith in its American future…The level of desperation has sunk to instant replay’s, speeding the game up and banning the defensive shift, all in the name of offensive production.

It is far worse and dumb, for instance to think that offensive production is being limited by the defensive shift, or that it will make the game more exciting.  The shift has been around since the beginning of the game and the way to beat it is to be able to “hit ’em where they aint”.  Now Rob Manfred (new commissioner, 1st day yesterday) wants more offense – then lift the ban on steroids or any other PED – the issue isn’t the shift, it’s the ostriched response baseball had during the the last 20yrs that allowed average hitters to succeed, because they could get away with power to one area of the field.  Removing the shift rewards those that can’t hit to all fields, or bunt – There is a reason we have the Senior Circuit where real baseball is played and the other that was so pathetic scoring runs they had to defraud the game by allowing a DH – both leagues with a DH is more dumb.  Banning the defensive shift for the sake of offense is an idea from mealy-mouthed stooges who approach ideas like a bull in a china shop, caught firmly in the clutches of the whirlpool of stupidity.


Hizzoner hisself is talking about pressuring college football to move their playoffs because HE wants to expand the playoffs to 14 teams and he wants one of those games guaranteed to be on Monday night.  Funny thing about that is, ESPN is caught in the middle because of their contract with the CFP and the NFL.  The contract with the CFP is they must show the National Championship game on Monday night, preferably the second Monday in January, and all games must be on ESPN, (not any other affiliates, including ABC).  But because of the relationhip with the NFL and broadcasting Monday Night Football on ESPN (also only on ESPN, no affiliates), this causes friction if Hizzoner moves forward with playoff expansion, as it will conflict with the National Championship game.

ESPN has already reached out to the CFP, as has the NFL about changing the dates.  Usually the NFL gets what it wants, but I’m hoping someone holds their ground and makes the NFL work around someone else’s schedule.  I’d much rather see 2 of the top 4 college teams play for a title, then having to suffer watching the Browns play the Titans on Monday Night.  Add this idea to the whirlpool, and shouldn’t Hizzoner be thinking about more pressing issues in his league, before making changes based solely on money?