Hit the DiRT!

Rivulets of Gravy

Her name is Lacey Noonan and she is responsible for such literary classics as: I do not care if my best friends mom is a sasquatch, she’s hot and I’m taking a shower with her, and shipwrecked on the island of the she gods.  Why is she relevant? Well she just completed her masterpiece: A Gronking to Remember, an erotic ode to the franken-tight-end of the Patriots.  This 38 page novella(?) – really 38 pages?! –is about one woman’s battle to stay faithful to her husband while lusting after Gronk – with several in depth fantasies – one of course on the football field.  38 pages seems kinda quick to get all that mommy-porn-nonsense accomplished, maybe Lacey needs a Cialis to prolong her mouse-clicking-daydreams.  How much does a 38 page book cost? Is it a book, a pamphlet or an e-reader? Could you read it on your kindle?  If you fancy a go, here is how Lacey described how moved she was after she witnessed Gronk spike the ball after scoring: “It jettisoned jiggling ribbons of electric jelly through my body and melted my knees like two pads of margarine.”  Seems simple enough – reminds me of this classic.


 Swipe Right Night

The best team in the East is your Atlanta Hawks and for their upcoming game against the Griz of Memphis they are holding a Tinder night, (what if you have a windows phone?).  So do you bring a date from Tinder? A wingman, or wingwoman? Is this a league-sanctioned digital hook-up? If you get an STD do you get a free popcorn at the next game with proof of prescription?  Is there a designated shag-station for emergency swiped-righted-ness?  It’s interesting enough to know that an idea so profound as pimping out your audience to other audience members hasn’t caught on more – keep an eye on your spouse or significant other and how many TRIPS they make to the CONCESSION stand.  Combine that with $1 hot-dog night and it’s Caligula.


 NBA Fever catch it

So a trade with Cleveland, New York and OKC happened.

CAVALIERS get: J.R. Smith, Iman Shumpert from New York and a future-first-round-pick from OKC

KNICKS get: Alex Kirk, Lou Amundson, Lance Thomas and a future-second-round-pick from Cleveland

THUNDER get: Dion Waiters

For Cleveland you have to wonder what it is they are thinking, adding JR Smith is like adding Mentos to Diet Coke.  Would J.R., have made any more of a difference in your recent loss to Philly?

For New York this reeks of a salary dump to give them more flexibility to get…who exactly…who wants to be in this dumpster-fire?  Soon enough the Zen-Maestro has got to pack it up and go back to the west coast, because this not gonna end well.  Unless you believe in Alex Kirk…?!?  #NBAsWorstTeam.

For OKC this is a big win that pairs a good player with Westbrook and Durant to make them deeper offensively.  Maybe they won’t lose by 20+ again to Golden State.


OREGON and Ohio ST nat’l champ uni’s – looks like another omen as the last time the Ducks forgot to wear green or yellow on their uniform, they lost – when they wore the black and pink uni’s against the Wildcats.

penalty?


 Just like we drew it up

Leonard Hamilton, head-ball-coach for the Seminoles, said that this past week.  So, FSU and Florida are tied at 63 after FU scored 5 straight buckets – technically the last 7 – with 8 seconds remaining.  FSU with 3 seconds left inbound the ball and shoot a 3 – why? – and then this happened.


I love LA

Click for Stan Kroenke’s favorite video

So the owner of the St.Louis Rams purchased some land in LA and negotiated with another group to build a stadium in Los Angeles.  The Rams who were in LA from 1946-1994 are now most likely going back to Hollywood – your move Oakland.  Start printing up the t-shirts and selling the naming rights now – LA Rams are back – 2016!


Epiphany

Today is the start of Carnival or Mardi Gras season, and although Mardi Gras is not until February 17th, 2015 – today ‘tis the season that begins.  What is Epiphany? It is the celebrated observance of the Incarnation of Jesus Christ, the visit of the Magi (the representation of the non-jewish people), all of Jesus’ childhood events including his baptism and the Miracle at the Wedding of Cana – so kind of a big deal.  It is also known as “Twelfth Night”, and is where the 12 days of Christmas comes from.  The season is celebrated in different forms all around the world and in this country like; in Manitou Springs, CO where they have the Great Fruitcake Tossironic since it is a traditional Christmas bread in English-speaking countries.

However, most of us are familiar with the events that lead up to Mardi Gras and the importance of New Orleansdid you know that more than 6,000 vessels move through New Orleans annually along the Mississippi river, making it the busiest waterway in the world and integral to the nations economy.  So what’s up with thatMardi Gras style?  Well King Louis XIV sent the LeMoyne brothers to defend France’s claim on the territory of Louisiane (Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana) – on March 2, 1699 (Lundi Gras) they entered the mouth of the Mississippi River – 60 miles downriver – where New Orleans is today – they made camp on March 3, 1699 (Mardi Gras) – in honor of that spot they named it Point du Mardi Gras – in 1703 the first organized celebration occurred in Mobile – Several traditions, parties, and Territory Capital movements later we have what we have today.  So, Laissez les bon temps rouler (let the good times roll), suck some heads, throw some beads, find the baby and live it up before Ash Wednesday when you must repent…sinner.

Here is the parade schedule and be a voyeur here.